She doesn't look at him, like she's got something to hide, which I think she doesn't. Slackjaw puts down his ambiguous cutting tool and walks over to Liz: "Mrs. Fleischer called from the Guidance Office. Two Cs in Spanish and AP History?" Jesus, Mrs. Fleischer. Step back, wouldja? She didn't get Fs. It's not like she set off a fire alarm and threw Mr. Fleischer into the pool. It's more like she returned a library book late and didn't show up for "Jump Rope For Heart," even though she'd gone and collected all those sponsors. It's a C. On a quiz. Put down the phone, Mrs. Fleischer. Keep kids off drugs. Liz claims that she had two quizzes on one day or something and that everybody failed, and Slackjaw inserts "Plot Point A" into "Interlocking Contrivance B" in developing, "Is that the same excuse you're going to use at your Harvard interview?" Liz claims a headache and tries to take her leave, but Slackjaw's got some speeching to do: "Y'know, I backed off the whole boarding school thing because you promised you were going to get your life together." But no. No studying. No focusing. No acting lessons. Nothing. But wait! Slackjaw's not done: "Going to Harvard has been your dream since you were what, six?" Just saying it once doesn't make it true, people. So Slackjaw tries the supportive route: "You have got more brains and talent in your little finger than all the kids in Roswell have in their entire bodies." Well then, maybe they should have gone ahead and cast Shiri Appleby's little finger in the role of Liz and put one of those googly-eyed finger puppets with the really long arms on it and had the googly-eyed puppet fall in love with Max after being shot right between the really long arms. I'm just saying, if that little finger is the untapped locus of this as-yet-unseen "talent" we keep hearing so very much about. Slackjaw keeps going, saying lines of the "ruzzah ruzzah ruzzah SET-UP blah blah" variety to prepare for the "blee blee blee feh PUNCH LINE" that's all poised to come barreling in from the dining room. Oh, you say you want the actual line? Well, fine: "I mean, how many of them are even thinking of going to college? They're all just hanging around, watching MTV, dreaming about becoming rock stars." What a Cyndi-Lauper-esque 1983 kind of rebellion he's painted. Wait! Punch line as yet undelivered! The kitchen door bursts open. Maria enters and announces, "A label wants to sign me, I'm gonna be a rock star." Damn. I loved those little puppets.
Episode Report Card785 USERS: C+
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