Roswell
Crash

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Countdown to Ecstasy II: Nearly-Cancelled Boogaloo

Inside a military base of some kind, Military Man enters a room to find a man with a potato sack over his head. He removes the potato sack, and "Pete" and "Ted" greet each other as Pete and Ted. One of them is Military Man, and the other appears to be Connie's father. They speak of "protocol" and "media," Military Man informing Connie's father that they've alerted the media that he's already dead. He puts the potato sack back on and takes his leave. Poor Pete. Or, uh, Ted.

Change the hot pink turtleneck already, Isabel. You look like a pack of tropical Starburst. We're back at Chez Evans, Bangs grilling Isabel on the little things about being married: "What does Jesse hate? You know, your father hates health food and French movies. What does Jesse hate?" Girly parts. But secretly, who doesn't? And where does Monopoly Nazi get off making a universal judgement call on the overall state of French cinema? Was he not captivated by the charming and visually stunning Amelie? And on a more classic scale, I'm pretty sure that if Truffaut were alive today, he'd concur that this show Blows in 400 different ways. But I seriously freakin' digress. Isabel asks her mom why the third degree, and Bangs innocently says that she just misses talking to Isabel "about things that matter." Like girly parts and Truffaut, or whatever it is they're really talking about right now. Instead, Isabel thanks her mother. For what? "For letting me be who I am. For accepting Jesse and me." Bangs returns the thanks and asks Isabel how she feels about staying the night. Isabel breaks down and accepts. But this episode so isn't about her.

It's about people we've never seen before and their highly ambiguous motives. London Fog stumbles around in the dark with a flashlight and a gun and a soundtrack with trombones.

Okay, now it's about Isabel again. Bangs and Monopoly Nazi share a "hi, Margie," "hi, Alice" thing. Monopoly Nazi says that he's tried to draw Jesse out, but "he's hiding something. He's not the same man who married our daughter. And what changed him was knowledge." Monopoly Nazi is turning into the bad guy, asking, "Did you do what I told you?" Bangs pauses, winces, and responds, "Yes." Monopoly Nazi ensures, "They left us with no choice. They forced us to do this." Bangs: "I know." Do you suppose every phone conversation ever between Delaware and New Mexico is this boring? I do.

London Fog, sans his power base of London Fog, sits glued to a chair in what I guess is The House That Government Subsidy Built. Through a lime-green shield, he sees two fake aliens wrapped in tin foil, one of whom asks in a high-pitched, non-scary voice, "Where is Colonel Griffin? Where is our ship?" London Fog pretends to know nothing, so Max (I guess) makes a motion to Michael (I guess) and notes, "Prepare the probe." He makes a weird hand motion that indicates that probe is going someplace that will probably elicit some answers.

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Roswell

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