I hate car commercials on general principle, but…would four dudes in a car ever ever EVER sing along in unison to a Barenaked Ladies song? Ever? Oh, wait. Maybe this commercial is, like, set in Canada or something.
A bandaged Tess lies asleep on Max's bed. She's decked out pretty much exclusively in brown, including an unbuttoned checkered shirt over a white tank top, meaning that when she upped and left her previous planet she was either just finishing milking the space cows or was on her way home from a Dar Williams concert. Now, she's sleeping. Max is watching. And then she's up in a start, asking, "Zan? Where's Zan?" Oh, sweetie. You named him Zan? Well, then I can tell you where he is -- getting his alien ass pre-kicked on an elementary school playground somewhere. Because his name is Zan, and so it might as well be "Kill Me At Dodgeball" or "My Lunch Money Is In My Left Pocket." Poor kid. Tess starts to rise, but Max slams the door to the room shut, leaving Tess rather trapped inside. She's sure he has a lot to say, and we have a lot of quickie plot refusal and rationalization to take care of, so let's get right on that. Max asks how she can be back on Earth with her baby, seeing as you, me, and the guy at the corner deli all know that Tess left in the first place because her baby couldn't survive in Earth's atmosphere. Yeah, but forget about all that, says Tess: "It was a mindwarp. Something I needed you to believe. I had to do whatever it took to get you to activate the granilith." Cheesy sci-fi buzzwords from a much simpler time. Max holds up a hand and warns, "I should kill you right now." But Tess has an obviously disprovable lie at the ready, although we're not allowed to know it's a lie for at least a few more minutes: "If you kill me, you kill Zan. My son. Our son. We're linked, Max. Physically." Max doesn't believe her, and she gives him the physical challenge to try it out and see how high the body count goes. He doesn't take the bait. Tess's buttondown hangs suggestively off of one shoulder, because on her planet she's an extra in a Samantha Fox video. Because Samantha Fox is still really big overseas. But not Earthside, because one continuity-challenged shot later, the shirt is back on her shoulder. You know what else they could have named her son? They also could have named him "Pick Me Last For Everything."
Bangs and Monopoly Nazi coo over Star Baby in the next room, videotapes of unidentified flying bedroom furniture completely forgotten about, because when women are around babies they can't think tactically, except in terms of the baby. Thanks for the script doctoring, Dr. Spock. Monopoly Nazi tries to engage Bangs in discussion, asking, "Where do you think Tess has been all this time? And why do you think she suddenly walked into our house now? Do you think Tess is somehow linked to what's going on with Isabel?" Bangs is no longer interested. Bangs is not alone.