Whatever. No one's bringing beer. There's a baby or something, so everyone's gone all wellness corridor on me. Max carries Star Baby -- still wrapped in his silver foil suit, because on his planet everyone grows up to be a Solid Gold dancer -- into Jesse and Isabel's bedroom and lays him down. Tender moments ensue. Max stares and smiles, the pearly yellows flashing in ghastly exhibition of his joy.
Back outside, Max tells an awaiting Porno, "He's sound asleep." Porno's eyes glint in a way that communicates to the astute viewer, "Look at me! I'm directing myself! Look, Ma! No director! Except me! I'm player and manager! Master and servant. I'm directing! And I love it!" But what he says is, "We're running out of time, Max. We need a Plan B." Tess provides it from the shameless exile of…a nearby comfy couch. She tells them, "Go. Go without me. Just get Zan to safety." But they're after the baby, too. And why didn't any of those military folks who had personnel enough to seal off the entire town try and, y'know, follow the car back from the checkpoint? Isn't that why you have aerial backup? Oh, my God. I almost cared again for a moment. It's so weird when that starts to happen. Kind of a tingly feeling, but followed quickly by shame. But Max has another bone to pick: "You said he couldn't survive without you. Another lie? I knew it." More tricks, monsieur? More violence? But clearly Max didn't know any such thing, else why would he let this obviously false charade go so damned far to begin with? It all falls into place for Max: "So the baby's not linked to you? At all?" No, Tess affirms: "Zan is completely human." Well then, by lordy, change his name to "Sam" immediately and just tell everyone you made a mistake. Tess tacks on that that's why Star Baby wasn't wanted on Planet Arium, and why Tess was forced to come back to Earth. That makes sense for exactly negative twelve billion reasons. No one in the cast can understand that knotty plot point either except for Liz, who gets it right away: "It's genetics, Max. You're half-human, she's half-human, you both have the DNA, it makes sense." I don't know where the punctuation is supposed to be in that sentence. Oh, and nice alien back-up system. No wonder you cross-breeds keep crashing your ships into rocks. Try turning the helmet forward next time you get behind the wheel of one of those. Jesus. I'm just saying.
It dawns on Michael just then (with yet another "Let me get this straight" kind of transition) that "if the baby doesn't need you to survive, we can kill you." Isabel bargains Michael down to turning her in, as that will satiate the Air Force's appetite for an alien. Kyle senses that this is just the Plan B that they've been looking for. But Max doesn't like it. "They'd throw her in a white room and study her like a lab rat for the rest of her life. I've been there. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." Isabel reasons that this is not a decision Max can make alone, and Maria suggests that, since Tess was responsible for Alex's (who?) death, they all get to vote. And the stakes are pretty high: turn her in or…not! What happened to death? Wasn't that just being discussed as a viable option? And so they turn to their Model Congress form of dramatic climax, each one of them casting his or her "cake or death" vote. Um, cake, please. Well, we're out of cake! And so they put it to a vote. Maria wants to turn her in. Porno no. Isabel yes. Max no. Michael yes. Jesse doesn't even have an opinion. Kyle no. Liz casts her vote to break the tie: she votes no. With no explanation. I thought it was a mindwarp. I wish it were three years ago so she could be voted off the island and have that be topical.