Roswell
Graduation

Episode Report Card
Djb: D+ | 9 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Actually, it was pretty stupid

Liz's reverie turns to Max "Anti-Social Security" Evans, as the camera swoops around and we find him sitting at the counter eating fries and Tabasco (because remember how they…with the…oh, never mind). All-In-Her-Head Barbie wants just us to know, "It's different for Max." It's different for all the boys like Max. "He lost more than his son." He also lost his car in the Costco parking lot, as doddering old men just seem to do. "He lost his sense of direction to his life." See what I mean? "His purpose." Oh. Well, Lizcissus, Queen Of Self-Preservation, it really is all about you, isn't it? Liz continues, "He puts up a great front, but…I know." Well, just as long as you're fine. That's all that really matters to, um, you.

Max turns from the counter, sees her, makes the decision to fake smile, and smiles. Liz ambles on over and sits down next to him, because the UPN caved and gave them one more extra behind the counter to make it look like somebody actually works there for once. She considers Max gravely for a moment before finally speaking aloud: "What're you still doing here?" Garfield is jealous. He can't do both. Max fails to respond in short enough order, so the versatile Liz speaks to herself, out loud, and then attempts to be Max as well, answering for him, "Hot for some local waitress." Stop the Lizbot! Her Willful Dialogue Enabler has gone completely out of control! Max noncommittally answers back, "That's the rumor." Well, Max, that might be a rumor, but it most certainly is not the rumor. He sidesteps the awkward question as gingerly as possible, sniping back with the passive-aggressive equivalent of "Now when the hell are you getting the hell away from me again?" with the head-scratcher, "Have you heard from Northwestern yet?" Northwestern? Wasn't it her suddenly-manufactured dream to go to Harvard until she fainted during an interview and then got shipped off to private school, only to fail out when her boyfriend fake-died? Or did I miss a few episodes? I can just picture the "writers'" meeting in which they were all haughty and "well, she hasn't gone to school in two years, so there's no way she could believably get into Harvard. Anyone else here go to a really respectable safety school for the Ivys? And Vassar doesn't count, because everybody else uses it." Anyway, Liz responds that she's trying to "handle the whole college acceptance thing with grace and aplomb." Rather than question her on the ridiculous inaccuracy of waiting on a college acceptance letter minutes before high school graduation at the damn end of May, Max pretends he's still in this conversation at all by repeating the final word of her sentence, asking, "Aplomb?" She explains: "It's an SAT word that I just can't get out of my head." Well, then, why don't you let one of us rip it off of you and throw it into the ocean? No? What if we promise to do it with aplomb?

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Roswell

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