Roswell
Graduation

Episode Report Card
Djb: D+ | 3 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Actually, it was pretty stupid

Who is this, now? Cut to Michael and Maria at a fortune teller, who I know they've been to before because the "Previouslys" told me they were. Madame Extraneous is asking Maria and Michael, "So what do want out of this relationship? Where do you see yourself, say, five years from now?" Michael responds that he thinks he'll probably be dead, which I have to infer from his use of the expression "Finito Mickelito." I think he was one of the Impressionists as well. Michael attempts to speed things along by asking if Madame Extraneous would get around to taking out her "crystal ball…no offense, but I want to get home in time for WWF." Because he's still a hick, remember, and someone has to plug the rest of the UPN line-up while they're still on payroll and contractually obligated to do so. They bicker some about relationships past in which they have wronged each other that none of us even kind of remembers (what the hell is a "Courtney"?), but Madame Extraneous asks Maria to excuse them for a moment so that she can speak with Michael privately. Maria snarks and leaves the room, and Madame Extraneous turns over a card and tells Michael, "Something bad is about to happen. Very bad. And there's only one way to keep it from happening. You must believe in the love." Michael is all, "Keep your weed-smokin' hippie ways off my body" (I believe he has that on a t-shirt somewhere…I know I do), but Madame Extraneous once again insists that Michael "believe in the love," saying it could save all of their lives. He accuses her of being a fraud. And you kind of have to look at the evidence. He told her, "I'm going to die soon," and then she was all, "Uh…something bad is going to happen." So I can see what he's saying, is all I'm saying. She hands him the tarot card which reads, "The lovers," which features a pastel illustration of sylphs and angels and lush trees that I imagine might be called "The Future According to The Magic Garden." I don't think anyone here would argue against its inherently impressionist themes.

Outside of Madame Extraneous's place, Michael tries to storm past Maria. She chases him down Madame E's front lawn, wailing that she can't believe he won't tell her what went on. His temper reaches this week's version of a boiling point, and he screams back for her to "shut up," at the same time holding out a hand and smashing a garden gnome sitting on the front porch. Ability to destroy earth notwithstanding, I don't think even one member of the defunct Special Unit would be sad to see one fewer of those in the world. But the protectors of the peace and garden gnomes have other concerns, and just as Michael smashes the gnome, the shot becomes a still-life photo (that was a very '80s music video effect. Is this "Girls On Film"?) which, with dozens of other shots, sits on a table under the gaze of Military Men Numbers 1-2. Those photographs? All totally impressionistic.

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Roswell

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