House That Government Subsidy Built. Maria is engrossed in what I can only imagine is Jason Katims's contract with Satan, while Michael rants around the kitchen complaining that whenever something goes wrong, "they point the finger at the people at the bottom of the ladder" just because someone stole a case of Snapple. Maria takes a glimpse in the fridge and uncovers a full case (but not for long! Look at how well it goes with everything, from leftover Chinese food to a fight with your waxy girlfriend!) of Delicious Snapple Brand Beverage. Michael cops to stealing it, but "that's not the point," because Crabney Coleman fired them without proof. Maria takes a turn for the All About Her, asking, "So I'm assuming I'm gonna have to keep paying for dinner and supplying the kerosene to light the apartment?" Kerosene? Jeez, Martha Washington. Buy a flashlight for the damn deadbeat, prop it up on a phone book, and get on with your life. No need to go around synthesizing whale blubber and burning it in lanterns and turning the place into Ye Olde Historic Ghetto House. Michael promises he'll get another job, and Maria asks about how "the other guys" reacted. She didn't know they all got fired, but Michael won't take the rap for it, because "we all drank of the Snapple." A woefully extraneous line about treading on "Biblical terrain," but not to worry: Delicious Snapple Brand Beverage is kosher! As well as parve. For your festive Passover meal.
Wait. I think I thought Steve The Standing Guy was all clean-cut, but now he's the guy who would turn out to be Michael's Mulleted Moral Compass. They look so different once they take off the hat. And if that's an excuse you yourself have used to rationalize some bad behavior of your own, I think you and I have a lot to talk about. Anyway, we're back at the Nook-E-Mart (seems that more folks than just me and Isabel were interested in getting through one damn episode without running into her parents), where we find Michael running into Steve The Standing Guy. They're both applying for "the clerk job," which Michael exposits pays "half of what we were making at Medichem." Half of a graveyard shift security guard's salary? No wonder people only show up at this supermarket sporadically; it's in Malaysia, and Michael and Steve The Standing Guy are twelve-year-old girls. But Steve needs a new job in a hurry, because "you gotta feed the wife and kids." Michael laughs -- wife and kids! -- before realizing that Steve The Standing Guy has a wife named Cheryl and kids. A wife! Plural children! And he's all passive-aggressively blaming Michael for getting him axed by eating pizza in the office? I'm just saying, it's all about personal responsibility here. And Cheryl is my sister's name, and I'm so glad she's not married to that guy. Steve The Standing Downtrodden Cliché takes off to "Burger Hut," because he heard there was an open position there. Before he goes, Michael takes a moment to apologize for his behavior. Steve The Standing On A Soapbox smirks, "That doesn't help me, Mike." The government shrugs an apology to Steve, for it has already given its every dime to Michael.