Roswell
Michael, The Guys And The Great Snapple Caper

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Djb: D+ | Grade It Now!
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The best stuff is just so not in here

Michael has really traded down socially this week, eh? He's hanging out with his new best friends Boomer and Boner and Biffy and Fly, all playing foosball at Michael's (he has a damn foosball table now?) and wondering what Crabney is stealing from the company. Michael reasons that if they expose Carl (who? Oh, yeah) as the thief he is, they'll be able to get their jobs back. But they'll have to "catch him in the act." The African-American friend among them reasons, "That sounds too risky for a black man." It's true. The move to UPN really has made this show tons more "street." So urban and edgy. I'll bet that guy loves really edgy street bands, like Quincy Jones and stuff. But no one will get involved in the caper, including Standing Steve, who won't even return Michael's phone calls. But Michael gives a rousing speech to the effect that no one fires a whole shift over a case of SNAPPLE, and that Crabney framed them all so he could be alone with the SNAPPLE and the vials and the oh my God I so don't care and neither does anybody else.

And so we cut to a montage of them sneaking in, while Michael voice-overs that "tonight he's got the entire graveyard shift to deal with." And so like eight guys sneak in and attempt to hide another camera in a heating duct where Michael sits in the ceiling above the curious vial in question. Scooter and Lefty slide in a videocassette while Michael records Crabney from above. But lo! Just as they capture him at his most diabolical, er, swabbing of liquid from a vial (the monster!), the videocassette breaks in their hands, a phone rings in the office, Sheriff Hanson calls and reports faulty dealings with the security system, and -- oh, this one's my favorite -- the ceiling gives way under Michael's weight (I'm just sayin') and he comes crashing down in front of Carl. Carl is less that amused, asking "Gweerin" what he's doing. Gweerin actually sees fit to report that he was "dropping in," because apparently the script doctoring by the guy who writes "Ziggy" got there juuuuust in time to be useful during this sequence. Crabney threatens to call the police, but Michael threatens in turn to show said police the videotape they're putting together of Crabney stealing from the lab. Crabney deems this new wrinkle "too bad," and wields a gun at Michael, because when blood sugar gets low from a lack of refreshing SNAPPLE, tempers flare. People. The best stuff is so not in here. Someone write an angry letter and we'll split the damned free case.

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Roswell

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