For a very long time, I've believed the opening credits of this show belong to the far-more-interesting version of Roswell currently televised in a parallel dimension near you. Just thought I'd share.
Back from the break, we fade up on the scene just ended being replayed on the screen of another product-placed iMac. Really, kids. iMacs are not that powerful, so knock it off with this crap. Brodek, wagging the gun around a bit, notes, "The security cameras are on backup power." He slides a CD out of the iMac and announces, oh-so-pleased with himself, that recent events are "all on disk." Max wants to know what the Brodek intends to gain from all of this. Brodek, frantic, demands Max tell him who he really is: Simon from Go? Or Baby Jane Hudson? Outside, beneath the darkened UFO Center marquee, Maria bitches to her mother, "No one's going to be clamoring through a blackout [sic and sick] to buy your 'George W's an Alien' t-shirts." My So-Called Sean, unloading a box from the Jetta, agrees. Amy DeLucawitz natters on about the "entrepreneurial spirit" as she flings open the Center doors to enter. Inside, Brodek wordlessly warns Max and Tess to remain silent while he stalks the entering trio. DeLucawitz, descending the stairs: "These t-shirts are hot off the presses, and I want them on the market now." She spots Brodek, who levels the gun at her head. "Or later!" she perks, wheeling around to scamper out. "C'mon, kids -- let's go!" Snicker. Brodek advances on them. "Nobody's going anywhere," he insists. Lingering, sliding pan shot of Maria and DeLucawitz and My So-Called Sean looking worried. Cut to Tess, fretting. Cut to Max's neck, about to snap under the weight of his head. Cut to Brodek, with the frowny face. Cut to me, getting it.
Finally, we enter the darkened Den of Porno. Its owner answers the door to find Deputy "Duh" Hansen on the porch. Deputy Duh's holding his flashlight beneath his chin, lighting his face from beneath in that manner that disturbs easily-frightened three-year-olds and absolutely no one else. He greets Porno as "Sheriff." Porno starts to welcome Hansen as "Deputy," but corrects himself. "Sheriff," Porno begins again. "What can I do for you?" What. The hell? Yes, I'm generally intoxicated well in advance of my Roswell time, but I thought Porno got his old job back months ago. Whatever. I've got my own Shannen Doherty-related continuity issues to worry about. Besides, "Deputy Duh" is easier to type than "Sheriff Shit-For-Brains." Anyway, Deputy Duh fills Porno in on the Roswell-wide blackout. Only he does so in that hee-larious manner reserved for dimwitted redneck yokel sidekicks, wondering if the current situation merits the involvement of the "Eff-Eee-Em-Ay." Porno, bless him, cuts through the crap: "Call Ralph." Deputy Duh: "Whuh?" Porno: "The electrician? Big guy -- rewired the station last spring?" A flicker of vague redneck recognition crosses Deputy Duh's face. After a bit more of the Porno's-not-the-sheriff-anymore non-plot non-point, Porno sends Deputy Duh on his way.