Off The Menu

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
Off. The fricking. Map.

UFO Center. The DeLuca contingent stands off to one side while Brodek rants about Max being Zan and vice versa. If Max doesn't come clean, Brodek threatens, the CD containing evidence of the Lime Green Jell-O Shield Of Royal Alien Protection will be sent "to the FBI." Why bother? They'd just lose the damn thing, just like they lost a couple of audio cassettes regarding a certain event in Birmingham in September of 1963, and just like they lost thirty-five-hundred pages of documentation regarding a certain event in Oklahoma City in April of 1995. My So-Called Sean, in a whispered aside, wonders what Brodek's smoking. DeLucawitz fires off a snarky response, drawing the unwanted attention of her captor. Brodek stomps over to push the gun in her face. Max attempts to mediate. He fails. Like I needed to tell you that. DeLucawitz suggests that she and her brood "leave [the] aliens alone." Wrong suggestion. Brodek tosses a roll of duct tape at Max, ordering him to restrain Clan DeLuca with it. He and Tess start with My So-Called Sean while Maria takes this opportunity to reason with Brodek. "Brody, we're close," she states in the no-nonsense tone of voice she inherited from her mother. "We're friends." Brodek isn't feeling the amity at the moment. Maria's cell phone rings in the background. Brodek thrusts the automatic in Maria's direction. "Don't point that gun at my daughter," DeLucawitz icily sneers. DeLucawitz rules. Maria insists that she must answer her cell. Should she not, the person phoning her will know something's wrong. Or "wronk," as the case may be. Brodek tells Maria to keep it short and holds the opened phone to her ear. Maria grumps into the transmitter, "Hello?"

Dammit! Shut up, Liz. I don't care that you haven't opened your mouth yet. Just shut up. She doesn't listen to me. She never does. Liz blithers on about something that happened to her in biology that afternoon. Maria cuts her short. Maria won't be in attendance for that evening's shift at the Crashdown. Considering the power's out all over town, the customers won't be in attendance either, Maria. Liz asks, "Is everything okay?" Maria non-sequiturs something about removing "the Galaxy sub with pepperjack cheese" from the menu. Brodek cuts the call short at this point and demands Maria explain her last statement. "It was just shop talk," Maria shrugs. Back in the Crashdown, the Lizbot pouts because Maria hung up on her. Michael and Isabel blow her off. Atta alien-human hybrids. Isabel bitches at length about the undercooked burger the Ferret has set before her and raises her palm above the plate to fry it up a bit more. The Ferret -- with both hands -- pulls the following bit of hastily-appearing contrivance out of his ass in an attempt to stop her: "Don't! That makes it taste like crap." Um, since when? I seem to recall all four of the alien teens doing the same to various foodstuffs during the last two seasons, with no complaints from any of them regarding the resulting taste. Whatever. As Isabel is not a big fan of E. coli and bovine spongiform encephalopathy, she tells the Ferret to shove that contrivance right back up that double-wide ass of his from whence it came.

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