What is happening? Cut to a movie theater marquee that reads, "Roswell Revival. The Best Years Of Our Lives." Is this the opening credits? No. The slutty-thoughts girl walks up to the box office and buys a ticket. She enters the show already in progress, and the camera pans over to her already sitting with the slutty-thought man from across the street. She's in tears watching the screen. He actually hands her a handkerchief at this moment. A real handkerchief. Do you know a man alive that's not your grandfather that still carries a handkerchief? Anyway, both slutty-thought girl and I laugh simultaneously. She refolds the handkerchief to avoid all of his snot and dabs at the corner of her eye where there are no tears.
They're already changing the marquee to something about Paris as SluttyCouple walks out of the theater spoiling the ending of "Roswell Revival." Apparently "she" married him at the end. SlutMan says it's because she loved him. Oh, wow. These are the first lines of the episode. No wonder Djb recaps this thing. Just bad music and mime. Anyway, Slutette says, "She did, she really, really loved him." SlutMan adds that "he" was "damaged," but "she" still loved him. They go on about how great the female protagonist is and how beautiful of a person she is to love someone so damaged. Slutette says she loves old movies. She wishes that real life could be like the old movies, where everything works out perfectly and the guy always gets the girl. They stop walking and face each other. "It can be like that," he says, reading from his Cliché Handbook. He laughs awkwardly and walks away from her. She rocks back and forth, watching him leave her. Is that where she lives? Across the street from the theater? She just keeps standing there, staring. Okay, I guess we'll leave her there, just like my parents did to me when I was five and wouldn't follow them in the grocery store anymore.
Pan down from a clock to a giant black void for fifteen seconds before finding a photo strip of this same couple we've been following all this time. She's in his lap and he's holding her, smiling. Pan down to smiling, kissing, smiling. It's the girl, and she's on her stomach in bed, staring at the strip of photographs, biting on her pinkie nail with her feet crossed at the ankles like any good community theater director would have her blocked. She does her best WWAJD here (What Would Ashley Judd Do?) and stares straight out with her hand under her chin as she thinks really hard about something we aren't clued in on, but I'm guessing from the context of this show that she's an alien and she's in love with this guy and she's wondering if she can tell him she's an alien and he'll still care for her or if he'll run screaming. Am I close? And I'm just taking a wild stab here, but isn't that probably the basic conflict of eight out of ten of these episodes? AshleyJudd/Slutette then touches the photograph of her and SlutMan kissing, and it warbles like a puddle. She keeps staring straight out, panting just slightly, as I start to notice she also looks like Kari Wuhrer. She closes her eyes.