Significant Others

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C+ | Grade It Now!
Roswell 101

Luckily everyone's blue collar, wearing their nametags in this show. We're at some guy named Kyle's house. He's quickly jamming his wallet and glasses into his pockets. He opens the curtains over his door and finds Isabel standing there, all covered in tears. He gets spooked, and asks if she knocked. She says she didn't. "So you're lurking now?" he asks. She starts crying, and he lets her in. Hee. He goes, "What happened? You want some water or something?" Now that's how a man handles crying girls. Thank you for some reality. I bet he's an alien. He goes, "Sit. Down. You wanna…talk about it…or?" She says she doesn't. She keeps sobbing and asks if he's late for work. He says to screw that and asks again what happened. She sobs and moans that she broke up with Jesse because there's no way she can drag him into this. Kyle sits down and sighs. He asks what she's afraid of. I think she's afraid he'll be eaten by a jellyfish alien and then haunt her like the son of Tom Hanks. That's just a guess. I mean, I've never seen this show before, Kyle, if that's your real name, but that's my immediate hunch. Dead boyfriends due to angry aliens with jelly. Kyle says that nobody that she's shared this with has run from her. "Let him in. Let him deal with it," he says. Isabel says she made a pact with herself after Alex died not to let anyone else in ever. Kyle says she should talk to Jesse and he'd probably understand. She laughs. He laughs.

LongHair Michael eats chicken all gross-like. With a mouthful, he tells Max that he can't move in with Liz, because he'd have to move out of state to avoid Liz's father and then he'd be kidnapping her. He jokes that he probably shouldn't add that to the armed robbery charges. I can't hear anything Max mumbles, by the way. Michael asks Max if he wants a Snapple. Maria comes marching into the house, asking where Michael was. She says they were supposed to have lunch at school together today. These kids go to school? What school? High school? Michael says he thought they were supposed to get together Saturday. He asks what day it is. She goes, "Hello, it's Friday! Where are you?" He says, "I'm right here! Where's Saturday?" And then they pause, which I guess means they're holding for laughter, and that's what actually makes me laugh. Maria looks over at Max and says without any sign of humor, "What are you guys saving the world from alien invasion?" Since there are already aliens in the room, doesn't that mean it's too late to save the world from an alien invasion? Max mumbles, "My necky thread," and walks out of the room. Maria sits down and watches Michael eat chicken. That chicken-eating is terrifying. Maria's wearing so much lip gloss that it's possible her lips might slide right off her face. Maria starts yelling at Michael that he's always sleeping or at work or getting ready to sleep or getting ready to go to work. She says that even when he's with her, he's not with her. Man, where's all the alien stuff? Where are the cheap special effects and horrible sci-fi plots? Michael says that everything he's doing is to be a better person for her. She says she wants some of his time. She asks him to wash his sheets before tomorrow night's Date Night. He says tomorrow will be fun. He promises. She makes him promise-promise. She asks for a Snapple. Does Snapple have something to do with being an alien, or do they just pay lots of money for this show? ["The best stuff is in here." -- Sars] Michael stops in front of the fridge and lets his mouth drop open as music from WarGames or Ferris Bueller's Day Off starts playing. A Post-It on the fridge reads "BOWLING LEAGUE SAT. NIGHT" Oh, the Post-It of doom! How will he do both in one night? Doesn't a league play every week? How would he need a Post-It to remember that? Michael counters the noise he makes by saying he doesn't know if he has a cold Snapple. He crumples the Post-It note and says he has a cold Snapple. End of scene. Great.

High school. I'll be damned. Max and Liz are cutting class, sitting in a closet somewhere. They're talking about Liz's dad. Liz says that last night her parents were arguing about her. She says she didn't know that he had another side to him. Max asks what she's talking about, and Liz says she doesn't want to tell Max what it is, for some reason. Then they get busted by a teacher. Y'all, they were in the Eraser Room. This high school has an entire room dedicated to erasers. Hilarious. The teacher, who is the first person I've seen who actually looks like an alien, tells the kids to quit "steaming up the windows" and get out of there. Liz pouts off. "Bad move, Max," the teacher says. Max says they were just talking. "Planning a bank heist?" the teacher asks, and then leaves. So, I guess this Max and Liz robbed something together recently? Did they go to jail? Yeah, I remember the parents saying that Liz was in jail.

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