The Departure

Episode Report Card
Djb: C | 1 USERS: F

Isabel, meanwhile, is on the sad side. Upstairs at Chez Evans, she's a-weepin' a blue streak, and Max slimes in and sits too close on the bed, reasoning, "When we came out of the pods and we lost Michael, it was just the two of us in the desert. I knew that I wasn't alone. That I had my sister. To me, Earth isn't home. Whatever's out there isn't home. You're my home." Ha! Billy Joel shout-out of the most arcane kind. It's a pretty song. Called "You're My Home." Buy it today.

Meanwhile, Liz turns up at My So-Called Sean's bedroom at what we learn from him is "three in the morning." Kissing montage, and a cut to her sitting up on the couch serving as his bed. He asks if she's all right, and she swears that she isn't. "Max Evans broke my heart." He hugs her. Was this scene put in as a dare?

Nighttime. Chez Evans. Isabel and Max sit on a bed, thighs touching, facing some unseen presence we know isn't her parents and we know isn't nothing and we know is a camera, so just show us the camera so it's like that Michael Keaton movie where he videotapes himself shaving so his son will know what he looks like after he dies, which is still a less creepy concept than thinking Max and Isabel are staring through the fourth wall and delivering this speech directly to us. Their parents. Max: "Mom. Dad. We know that in some way you always knew we were different." We know that you know that we knew that you knew that we knew. Clean. Up. The. Language. Isabel takes over, continuing, "We want you to know that we love you so much. We're orphans. We could've ended up anywhere, with anyone, but we got you." Isabel apologizes for leaving and then cries. Max promises, "You were great parents to us. We will always, always love you. Thank you. For everything." This looks like a tape insane parents would force their children to make as an alibi at gunpoint before burying them in the backyard. Max stands and takes the tape out of the camcorder. Oh, relax, you guys. It's gonna be six weeks before they even notice you're gone. And for maximum product-placement, you couldn't have stuck around ten more minutes and uploaded the entire thing onto one of the fifty iMacs just lying around?

Max enters Tess's room and tells her it's time to go. She asks if he really wants to do this, and he responds "yes" in a way that means, well, "no." He reaffirms his love for her and women by kissing her passionately, and she pulls back, stares Max straight in the eyes, and accuses, "You kissed Liz." Oh, snap. The whole "turning ketchup into mustard" kitsch of alien powers stops being so cool when you can no longer get away with shit like that, eh? Besides, it's only a cool power if you can change the ketchup into Chinese mustard. Tess perks up at her next thought: "Don't worry. You won't remember her where we're going." Must. Go. With. Them. To that special, special place.

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