The Departure

Episode Report Card
Djb: C | 1 USERS: F

Oh, here we go. Burning candles and moody, Senor Chow's lighting greets Maria at The House Government Subsidy Built. She walks in and suspiciously asks, "Michael?" He responds, "I know you like Italian, so…" and we cut over to the table, on which sits a bowl of salad, a basket of bread, what appears to be a giant bowl of sauce, and those completely genuine red bulbous candleholders indigenous to finer Pizza Huts and Olive Gardens the world over. It's Michael's last night on Earth, and he'll be damned if he's not going out with all the free salad and breadsticks he can choke down. Michael indicates the flatware. Scooby Doo plates. "And I know Scooby's your favorite." In the genre of crime-solving, impediment-talking, van-riding, crime-solving sidekick dogs, it's true he's got no peer. Maria still requires a little more information, so Michael sits her down on the couch. A close-up of his cross-eyed (I meant "doe-eyed," Taoists), gap-toothed (er, I meant…ah, screw it, I meant "gap-toothed") mug greets us before a merciful pulling back and the following speech, transcribed here verbatim. Drool or don't…you be the judge: "There's a lot about you, Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. Y'know, I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking, I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes. How much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you." So far the only genuine thing about this scene is Maria's oh-stop-it-you're-embarrassing-me-even-though-everything-you're-saying-is-true shrug she gives after the line, "There's a lot about you, Maria." Anyway, she listens politely through this point and responds, "I see you, too." But no, for Michael is too mysterious and his waters, so deep: "No. No, you don’t see me. [beat] You know when Max and Liz would kiss and Liz would get the flashes. And when we would kiss, you didn't? I know how much that hurt you." Maria insists that she doesn't care about that anymore, but Michael presses on, because talking is cool and listening is for suckers: "The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before. Because there are things inside me that I don't want people to see. There's things [sic] inside me that I'm not so proud of. But I thought about it. And I want you to see me." And, well, now he's crying. But as long as I know that the moral of this story is "I didn't let you see me because I didn't want you to see me," the hour it took me to recap this scene to this point has been well-spent, indeed. Michael takes her hand, and we travel through a Season One stock footage trail of Michael's finer hours, most of which Maria knew about and quite of few of which she was present to "see" the first time they happened anyway. L'il Michael emerges from the pod. Nothing to be ashamed of there. Michael Jr., same teeth, being belted by his dad. That's not his fault either. Michael crying in Maria's bed. Awwww. Flash-boom-bash, and we're back in Michael's house. Maria begins to cry, and cuts off Michael's attempt to tell her about the whole goodbye forever thing when she puts a hand over his mouth and kisses him for a long time. A pan to the table indicates that the untouched romaine and tomato salad will go uneaten. Shame. Such an Italian delicacy. And free! With breadsticks! All night!

Kyle enters Tess's room (he TAPS his FINGERS against the DOOR) and asks, "Is this a good time?" From the bed, she tells him it is. He hands her a bouquet of dandelions and congratulates her, starting a speech about "what's going on" that's quickly stymied when he looks toward the door and sees Alex standing there, staring at him all stone-faced. And truth be told, I'm home alone (in the middle of the day, mind you), and it's a little scary. But it would probably be a lot scarier if Alex hadn't been in every freakin' scene of the last nine episodes anyway. Nevertheless, there he is. Okay, it's creepy. Tess tries to deny Alex could have been there at all and hugs Kyle (he taps his fingers on her back), but suddenly Alex is all glowing yellow in the middle of the room, intoning, "You are the Royal Four. You're created from the genetic materials of your alien predecessors and your human subjects. You were given human form so you…" Go away, Creepy Alex. I hate recapping this scene. Kyle turns back to Tess and freaks, "Alex was in this room the day he died. I can't believe I didn't even remember it. I must have blocked it out." He makes to tell his father, but Tess turns him around and closes her eyes, making with the freaky-deaky mind warp. She then asks, "What were you saying?" Kyle responds, "That I'm really gonna miss you." Uh-oh. The fix is fully in. She hugs him again, his hands on her back. Tap tap tap. Exactly.

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