Roswell
To Have And To Hold

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It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished 'em well

House That Government Subsidy Built. Max paces and devises a strategy of the latest devious ruse afoot: "First, we need a sample of his blood. Make sure he's not an alien." Oh, dude, Max, you so don't get to be my best man. It's at this point in the planning process that you're supposed to be pacing and muttering, "Strippers? Or hookers? And what really is the difference between them, anyway? And that giant cake they jump out of…is it actually MADE OF CAKE, or what?" He's talking to Michael "Here Comes The Snide" Guerin, who is sitting on The Couch That Government Subsidy Upholstered, responding, "Max, you're not into this." I think he means the wedding. Max knows that, but now that he's "stupidly agreed to be best man," he can't let Isabel know how little they really trust Jesse and his maybe-an-alien ways. At least "not until we have something solid on Jesse." Ew. You keep your "something solid" as far away from your sister's fiancé as all time and space will allow, m'kay? Once again, Max -- I don't think "best man" means what you think it means.

Back outside, Isabel and Jesse walk together, Jesse saying something about confirming the place for the reception. Once again, isn't that just the thing that would have been taken care of well in advance of the invitations and the flowers? I know it's a quickie wedding and all, but I am having some trouble grasping the time frame of all this. ["I'm having trouble understanding who's paying for all this crap." -- Sars] Perhaps another helpful visit from Wedding Font would help clear that up. Come, come, fickle font! Isabel asks Jesse if he isn't getting cold feet, and he is quick to intuit that something is wrong with her. She insists nothing is wrong, it's just "last-minute wedding stuff, that's all." He advises her not to "stay up all night worrying about it," which places third or fourth on the list of nice things he could have said, well after the first place answer of actually, oh, I don't know, offering to help her. Cut to Isabel not staying up, falling immediately into her Celine Dream, where the beefcake and Isabel banter about the wedding, him warning her, "You will always be mine." If you touch me like this / And if I kiss you like that / It was gone with the wind / But it's all coming back to me / It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now.

Commercials: Do you guys think Special Unit 2 is a UPN marketing tool just to have a show that finishes lower in the Nielsens than Roswell? And if so, why do we still have The Parkers? Aw, crap. I can name three UPN shows. Burn me alive.

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Roswell

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