Roswell
Who Died And Made You King?

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Countdown to Ecstasy

Dr. LiedTo goes full-tilt Melfi when we find the story he's been fed: "You told me they were in the mob." Dude. That transition was so smooth it almost sliced my head off. But Melfi victimizes by the book, asserting, "You're suffering too, Jesse." Jesse nods. Because he is suffering, too. Melfi wants to fix that suffering and also Jesse's marriage as well. Jesse nods. See that? Being the victim isn't so hard after all.

Jesse leaves the un-crazy-making offices of Weiss, Ohanneson, and D'Arcy (actually, he leaves the office next door to those, which leads me to the conclusion that the only reason we got such a lingering shot of those nameplates is because they're the names of people who work for the show or some such look-I'm-a-grip- and-I-got-my- name-on-the- nameplate kind of way) and thinks, "Lavender is manly." He disappears down a hallway and escapes being discovered partaking in this heathen scourge known as "mental health." But after just a moment, Max "On A Steel Horse I Ride And I'm Wanted -- WANTED -- Dead Or Alive" Evans and Michael "Livin' On A Prayer...And Two Dozen Glazed Chocolate Donuts" Guerin appear around a corner, skulking skulkily. Max quietly counsels an already-boiling-over Michael, "If he's in therapy, he's obviously upset." Michael plunges us back into the previouslys with a helpful reminder, "I'm not going to sit back and wait for something to happen...like you always do." Max promises to "take care of it," and then suddenly develops a moral compass that didn't stop him from entering that building in the first place nine seconds ago. He storms off. Michael lingers behind, and after just a moment, an area just above his heart begins flickering. Michael, any excuse to take his shirt off and dance next to Patrick Swayze in that hilarious Saturday Night Live sketch now some years hence, unbuttons the top few buttons on his shirt and looks more closely at the skin. Glowing on the flesh in a whitey-purply-bluish shade is the five-dotted triangle of their home solar system. What? This is not explained. I think we require a bit more in the way of previouslys.

Opening credits: shut up, bitch.

Crashdown Café Of Quickly Disassembling Set. In the back room where no one actually seems to make the food anymore, Max follows Liz "New England Proved Too Much For The Girl" Parker around like a mangy puppy dog with really big ears asking, "So, what are you doing tonight?" Liz noncommittally responds, "Working, studying, lights out by eleven." "Lights out," huh? Ninety months of hiatus, and she still can't get those boarding school/summer camp phrases out of her voice. With all that working and studying, when on earth will it ever be time for free swim before lights out?

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Roswell

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