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Connect the Dots

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Connect the Plots

Now that Bloom has inspected the local mall, he can head for his true destination -- a restaurant. And just who is he meeting for lunch? Yes, it's Kale. Will shows up just in time to see the men exchanging a warm handshake. He stands outside the restaurant staring in at them only to be shocked when Kale happens to see him. You don't have to be a trained ex-CIA agent to notice a guy with a giant fro and a slack jaw with his nose pressed up against the glass, like, three feet away from where you're sitting. Really slick, Will. He jumps back from the window and takes off, but we know from the stern look that crosses Kale's face that he knows Will saw him, and he is not happy about it. Violins scream notes of suspense and drama at us, then abruptly stop so we can listen to Kale and Bloom's conversation. Bloom thanks Kale for "the gig." "Your man is a little testy," he continues. "My man is a little brilliant," Kale says. Lest you think he's talking about Will (although the "brilliant" part clued me in to the fact that they were talking about anyone but Will), Bloom says this mystery man has "got us running around the globe stitching together this very complicated operation." Kale stops him, saying "you troll your side of the river, I'll troll mine." I'm guessing that means that Kale doesn't want to hear anything about what Bloom is involved in.

They decide to attempt some casual conversation. "You look good," Kale says. "Ah, I'm fat," Bloom sighs. "Nooo, you're not," Kale replies. This ... is not the conversation I expected from these guys. Bloom then lists off all the other signs of oldness he has, including a bad back, creaking knees, and baldness. Let us also discuss the veneers he seems to have on his teeth, which are a little bit too big. Why do people do that? I'd rather have crooked teeth than giant porcelain slabs protruding out of my mouth. Bloom says that when he started losing his hair he was in Finland and "thought it was the water." What middle-aged man thinks the beginning stages of baldness are because of something nasty in a foreign water supply? That is denial. Kale then asks Bloom if his old fat ass has a significant other. Bloom says he finds that it "simplifies things" to remain unattached. "You?" he asks Kale, somewhat awkwardly. "Various delights," Kale responds. "I generally have to pay for my pleasures," Bloom says. TMI, guy. No one wants to hear about that. And then the conversation takes an unexpected turn: "You know, I want to tell you that sometimes, uh... late at night, when I'm alone, feeling sorry for myself, I think of you," Bloom tells Kale. He says he remembers the "old days in Beirut" and still has a photograph of Kale "sitting on a balcony sipping a cup of coffee... great big grin on your face." So I think it's pretty safe to assume that Bloom and Kale are gay and were once involved? And now we suddenly know more about Bloom and Kale's sex life than we do about, like, anyone else on the show. "We were killing people, Donny," Kale says, not as thrilled to take a walk down memory lane as Bloom seems to be. "Yeah. That was half the fun," Bloom says. Kinky!

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