The First Day of School

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Nothing Happens, Again
, even though the cab wasn't going to hit him. But I guess that was exciting. I guess. People gather around the cab as the driver says something about his brakes suddenly failing. Or maybe he just fell asleep at the wheel. From boredom. Will, of course, just walks away, seemingly unbothered.

As he leaves the scene of his brush with a brush with death, we see a man apparently following him and looking super-obvious about it. Like, could he look less suspicious with his ducking into doorways and peering behind corners? Will makes it to his apartment without further incident, but the Suspicious Man is still across the street hiding in the doorway. He starts walking towards Will's building.

Will hangs out in his excessively boring living room, where he has those four answers from that crossword puzzle written on index cards on his table. He stares at them while drinking a beer, but then he hears a door opening and closing outside. In the light under the door, he sees someone standing outside his apartment. He grabs the nearest potential weapon he can find -- a baseball bat -- and slowly approaches his door to investigate. But, of course, it takes him like three weeks to get there, so the guy can be heard leaving before Will has a chance to open the door. This show continues to find ways to make absolutely nothing happen. It's kind of amazing.

The next morning, Maggie's wandering around the streets of New York. In the background, we see a sign for a coffee shop called "Crust Crust Crust." That is a terrible name for a coffee shop. And yet, it makes total sense to me that a coffee shop on this show should be called that. Maggie looks over her shoulder as she enters a building and knocks on a door. And it's ... Kale's apartment! Hey, this might be exciting! Hooray! Kale lets her in, and it looks like this is actually a hotel room and not his apartment. She sits on the edge of the bed and he pulls up a chair while making creepy comments about smelling hyacinth. Then he gets down to business, saying that someone named Walter asked how she was doing, and Kale said that Maggie was "having fun." Maggie says her job isn't exactly "fun," but when Kale adds that it allows her to take care of her daughter, she backtracks slightly. With that, Kale asks for a gossip update on Will's team, as this is apparently Maggie's other job. She says that Grant is jealous of Will's new position, Miles is being a weirdo as usual, and Tanya might be an alcoholic. "Or not ... " Maggie then adds helpfully. Because if someone throws up, it must be from alcohol. Not, like, a virus or nerves or anything like that. Anyway, Kale really only wants to know how Will is doing, but Maggie doesn't have much to say about his performance, so we end the scene. Damn, that was almost intriguing.

Will runs into NotHal on his way out of the office, much to NotHal's chagrin. He doesn't want to be seen talking to Will, which is perfectly understandable. NotHal says that if Will wants his help in the future, it has to be authorized. Will quickly agrees to this, clearly not meaning a word he says. NotHal says the crossword puzzles appeared a few days after a Hezbollah attack that killed hundreds of Marines and the day after, a bunch of high-ranking Hezbollah officials "disappeared." And Will couldn't have looked that up himself? Seriously? That would have taken me like three seconds on the BBC website to figure out. But I guess the only person on this show with access to a computer is NotHal, so this makes sense in a weird way. Also, I'd appreciate it if this show would figure out when it takes place. Making a 70s-style conspiracy thriller is all well and good, but if you're going to place it in the year 2010 in a government think tank, you kind of have to put some modern technology in there, too. Will mutters something about how this "go" code he thinks he's discovered is for revenge operations and jogs up the stairs.

Meanwhile, Katherine hangs out in her dead husband's secret townhouse. That gets boring quickly, so she's soon searching through all of his stuff. Katherine and Tanya are the only interesting people on this show, and I'm not so sure about Tanya anymore. Katherine comes up with nothing but a stupid four leaf clover.

Wheeler's walking around with some random mustachioed guy called "R.C." Wheeler says he's worried about Spangler's (referring to him by his silly first name of "Truxton." I mean, really?) age and enthusiasm. R.C. says he'll talk to Spangler later in the week before launching into a story about how his great-grandfather ran a ferry line between Manhattan and Brooklyn, New London (Connecticut in the house! Represent!), and even Baltimore. Oh my god, this is the most boring show ever. Now the characters I don't give a shit about are telling stories about their ancestors' ferry lines??!? REALLY? R.C. gets all bitter about how his great-grandfather's business was destroyed by "that prick Vanderbilt," as if R.C. was even alive when any of that happened or should really care that much. And then he just walks away. Wheeler hangs out for a second before he walks off in another direction. ZZZZZZZZZZ.

Will walks into Maggie's office and asks her to keep David's wall broom and owl figurine intact in his office. Everything else will be collected by David's wife. Maggie looks past Will to Spangler, who is suddenly lurking behind them. But I'm really glad we got what will happen to most of David's things established on this show. The suspense was killing me there. Finally, we've tied up that loose end. Spangler reminds Will to give him a report about Yuri soon. Too bad no one who works for Will -- Will included -- did any work on that.

Will walks through the office, which is being scanned for bugs as promised, and into the meeting room. He dumps a pile of folders on the table as Miles enters and totally lies about all the fun he had with his wife and kids last night. Then Grant wanders in, sighs, and wonders aloud why former British colonies have done so well while colonies that were taken over by other nations "sink into chaos." I know, right? Grant must have British parents and/or grandparents. I do, and they talk about this stuff like all the time. Tanya then arrives with Grant's special non-donuts. She claims they cost her half her salary, but the box they come in is pretty tiny, so either they're made of gold or Tanya is woefully underpaid.

Will starts the meeting asking for news on Yuri Popovich. Miles says they're still waiting to hear back from the CIA. Grant, looking thoroughly pleased with himself now that he has his precious non-donuts, has nothing new to add. And Tanya, as she adds some whiskey to her morning cup of coffee, says someone in "B and D" (whatever that is) told her they're keeping "an eye" on the Beck guy, but wouldn't say why. As for that third guy in the picture, Grant mutters, his mouth full of not donut, what sounds like "not it" when Will asks for info. This causes Will to freak the fuck out and scream at everyone, calling Grant a "lazy pompous piece of shit" and ordering him and the other two useless weirdos to have everything they know about Beck on his desk by the end of the day. "Am I clear?" Will says, suddenly sounding like he's about to cry. The team, now sufficiently put back in line like subjects of Grant's beloved British empire, shuffle out of the room to do some work for a change. Tanya appears to get lost on her way out, probably because she's drunk, which is good for a few more seconds of filler.

Instead of working like he just assigned his team, Will runs out to the roof again.

Meanwhile, in the city, two men are watching Will from a tall building with binoculars. "He's back on the roof," one says. "Maybe he'll jump this time," says the other, who is officially now my most favorite character on this show. "What is it with this guy? Why do we give a shit?" wonders the first guy, who is now my second favorite character. I really feel for them; I, too, am stuck watching everything Will does and wondering when it will get exciting and be worth my time. So far, it isn't.


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