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Sex Kills, Again

Dan heads off to do his thing in what I'm hoping is a private restroom, and Cameron immediately starts talking about how they need to tell Melinda's parents about their daughter's sinful activities. Chase, however, would rather let them find out when they get a bill for some guy's semen analysis and not have to tell them himself. For you see, unlike Dan, Chase can't produce semen, since he has no balls. That doesn't stop Cameron from quipping that if Chase were giving it instead of the kid, they would have been done by now. I guess she'd know.

Cameron informs House that Melinda is not allergic to semen after all. She also adds that Dan loves his girlfriend and did everything to keep her from getting sick (except for, you know, using a condom). House asks for clarification, and Cameron relishes the opportunity to deliberately misinterpret his question and explain what love is, comparing it to happiness before saying that she should have chosen a most relatable example. Damn, Cameron's sassing everyone today! "Oh, SNAP!" House That's So Ravens before telling Cameron that they need to to find out what, exactly, Dan meant when he said he took measures to keep Melinda from getting sick.

House enters Melinda's sterile room without being at all sterile and probably covered in allergens and demands to talk to Dan outside. He brings him to a private spot to talk, which is, of course, the room of our long-abused coma patient, who I hope will end the series by waking up and murdering the titular character. Not that I want House to die (usually), but that must be what this has been building up to. I'd also like to say that while I enjoy Coma Patient, it's upsetting that he's a more frequent guest on this show than Evil Nurse Brenda is. House asks Dan if he took any antibiotics before swapping fluids with Melinda, and Dan replies that he got some penicillin off his friend's dad and took it to kill off any germs he might spread to Melinda. Those two are made for each other. They should get stupid married and have stupid babies and live in happiness forever somewhere far away from where I live. For you see, Melinda has a penicillin allergy, and Dan didn't realize that penicillin "can go through your stuff." House says he knows this to be true, since whenever Cuddy gets sick, she takes her penicillin in House suppository form. Yet another line from House that gets the Ew and Hee Reaction award. Dan begs House not to tell Melinda that it was his fault she got sick. House agrees to this, which is probably not the smartest move (spoiler!).

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