Samantha Who?
The Affair

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An Affair To Remember, If You Don't Have Amnesia

Cut to Sam rifling through Regina's underwear drawer, where she finds lots of new pairs of undies. Howard catches her, and she lies and tells him she was looking for cash to buy tickets to hear that hot new band, Lancelot. Howard tells her to come down to dinner. Commercials.

A strained dinner. Sam is giving Regina the third degree. Regina claims to have had a late lunch of orange roughy. Sam: "Yeah, I bet you like it roughy." Heh. Howard interrupts them to announce that there's a secret that's been kept too long. The secret? That Sam is a junkie, which Howard deduced from the fact that she was looting her mother's panties. He also knew she was lying about the band, because he looked it up on the internet and found out it didn't exist. Au contraire, mon frere! Regina thinks the drugs must explain Sam's memory loss. Sam notes that she was hit by a car. Howard: "Well, that's what happens when you don't pay your dealer." Sam is about to stomp off, and then remembers her manners, returning to ask permission to be excused. Regina examines her plate to make sure she's eaten enough before letting her leave.

Hotel room. Todd is sitting there, shirtless, as Sam tells him about her suspicions of Regina. She mentions her mother's panties, and Todd decides it would be a good time to put on his shirt. Sam tries to get down to business, but she's too distracted to think about sex. Todd is kind of distracted that he's paying $300 for a hotel room that's not getting any use. Sam takes off, grabbing a giant Toblerone bar on the way out.

Sam, Andrea, and Dena are in Sam's SUV, staking out Regina. She runs down the sidewalk and then kisses a handsome man on the cheek. Dena: "I never followed anyone before. Well, once, but he wanted me to. I mean, he told me not to. But he wanted me to." Andrea and Dena decide the guy is pretty hot. They would like to hire him to entertain at their coffee shop. Sam jumps out of the car, and runs to Regina. Regina sends her boy-toy inside and Sam accuses her of cheating on Howard. Regina admits that it's true, claiming that her paramour's name is Rory. But she tells Sam it would be pretty hypocritical of her to judge Regina for something she's done dozens of times. Regina: "I'll see you at home for dinner. I made scalloped potatoes."

Sam arrives at home, where Howard is potting some plants. He tells her to calm down, since it's not dope he's planting. She tries to raise his suspicions about Regina, and then just drags him off to show him the restaurant where the affair is taking place. He's willing to come, but not in her car -- he doesn't want to get "jacked holding some ditch weed." Sam bans him from the Internet. Commercials.

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Samantha Who?

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