Samantha Who?
The Break-Up

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The Break-Up

A deliveryman exits the elevator at Sam's office. He's walking in slow-mo, which made me think he might be carrying a bomb, or that he was about to engage in some Tarantino-style carnage, but he's actually just delivering some roses. Sam's V.O. tells us, "Flowers give every woman a taste of amnesia." 'Cause girls are stupid. Or rather, as Sam tells us, because they get all giddy and excited when they see the flowers coming and totally forget that their boyfriends or spouses are way too loutish and crude ever to think of something as sweet and romantic as sending them flowers. The delivery guy is still talking to people (in slow motion) to find out where the flowers go when Tracy (Sam's scared bunny of an assistant) runs off the elevator, panicked that Sam might have beaten her to the office.

Tracy, holding a cup of coffee in her hand, runs into Sam's office and is terrified when she sees that Sam is there ahead of her. Apparently, the coffee shop was out of the special variety that Sam likes, so Tracy had to drive across town to get it. As Tracy whimpers on, clearly expecting a beating, Sam tries to explain to her that she's no longer the same evil person who cut Tracy's bangs against her will, forced her to break up with her boyfriend, and, apparently, beat her. Sam suggests that they "forget about the whole 'boss, assistant' thing." Tracy: "You're firing me?" I would expect her to be happy at that thought, since she could get away from Sam and collect unemployment while she heals from her obvious psychic wounds, but she sounds upset. Sam's not firing her -- she'd just rather they treat each other more like girlfriends. Just then, the delivery guy enters with the roses, which are obviously for Sam. Sam's thrilled, but Tracy sees the roses and freaks out, leaping at the deliveryman and yanking all of the baby's breath out of the bouquet. Sam yells at her to stop, and then sternly orders her to come to Sam. She holds out her hands and tells Tracy to give her a hug. With obvious fear in her eyes, Tracy does so -- and then has a cathartic breakthrough while her arms are wrapped around Sam's waist, requiring Sam to forcibly extricate herself. Sam takes the roses and leaves Tracy to cry in her office.

In the hallway, Andrea sees Sam with the roses, but is upset when she hears that they came from Kevin (a.k.a. Hot Eddie Cibrian), whom she calls "the lumberjack." Sam walks to the kitchen to put the roses in water while Andrea grills her about the sex she must be having with Kevin. Sam is confused at first, and then faintly offended, because the idea of sex is obviously repulsive to a young woman of good breeding. When Andrea hears that they haven't had sex despite having been dating for two weeks, she decides that Kevin is a gay lumberjack. Just like Paul Bunyan. Sam reads the card that came with the flowers, and realizes that the embarrassing bit of doggerel written by Kevin is communicating his plan to deflower her after their date that evening. You know what that means, don't you? Shirtless Eddie Cibrian.

Dena and Sam (the latter carrying the roses in a large vase) enter the Newly home. Dena is very excited about Sam's impending sexification; in fact, the only person she thinks is more deserving of having sex with a hot lumberjack than Sam is herself. They enter the kitchen, where Regina is sitting at the table painting a ceramic chicken. (I love the completely unexplained fixation Sam's parents seem to have with poultry. On any other show, they would be making jokes about it -- here, they're content just to leave it in the background. I don't always love this show, but I do love that they're willing to abandon the formulaic, Two And A Half Men-style joke-a-minute crap that has been the staple of too many sitcoms for too many years.) Regina is very excited by the roses -- especially when she considers that she can use them to make Howard feel guilty for not getting her any flowers. And she's even more excited when she learns that the flowers are from Kevin, since it was entirely her idea to get Kevin and Sam together. Sam: "Yes, Mother. You set us up. If it wasn't for you, I would be nothing." Regina: "Oh, honey, don't be silly, you wouldn't be nothing. You'd just be less." As Regina starts planning which preschool Sam and Kevin's kids will attend, Sam tells her to slow down, since she's clearly not in love with him after three dates.

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Samantha Who?

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