Samantha Who?
The Break-Up

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The Break-Up

Regina leaves Sam and Dena in the laundry room. Sam is going through some just-cleaned laundry, looking for some lingerie to wear. Dena tells her that since it's the first time she's going to have sex with Kevin, "don't you think your carpet should match your drapes?" Did Sam forget that she's not a natural blonde? Sam has no idea what that expression means, and neither does Dena -- she thinks it means that Sam's bra and panties should match. All of Sam's matching lingerie is still wet. Faced with the choice of driving to Todd's to look through her clothes there or borrowing her mother's leopard-print underwear, Sam decides to take a drive.

Sam is pawing through a drawer filled with delicates when Todd sneaks up on her and asks what she's doing there. So, you know, Sam's all worried that his feelings will be hurt when he learns that she's going to have sex with another dude, and he's kind of worried that his current girlfriend will think he's a secret cross-dresser if Sam walks away with the set of his girlfriend's lingerie that she's holding in her hand. Sam is wondering what another woman's drawers are doing in her drawer. Todd doesn't point out that his rent includes the use of all drawers; instead, he just tells her that his girlfriend was spending so much time there that it made sense to give her a drawer. Although, Todd, you're supposed to give her a drawer of yours, not a drawer belonging to your ex-girlfriend who still keeps her underwear in your bedroom. Also, what kind of low self-esteem does Todd's girlfriend have if she's willing to hang out in a place filled with the clothes of Todd's ex?

Cut to Sam and Kevin bursting into the door of his bedroom while furiously making out. He asks her how to get her dress off, and she freaks out. And then she remembers that she's going to have to get naked to have the sex. Well, that's one way of doing it. Sam demonstrates that she's suffering from serious brain damage as she asks Kevin to turn out the lights before he gets naked.

Cut to a post-coital Sam, lying open-eyed next to a sleeping Kevin. I'm sorry, I meant to say a sleeping shirtless Kevin. Thanks, show! Sam quietly picks up the phone, dials, and says, "Dena, guess what? I'm in love." Oh man, it's 1986 in Brazil all over again. Credits.

Regina is sitting at the kitchen counter knitting when Sam comes in. Regina is worried sick about Sam, while Sam is radiant with the glow of having had sex with Eddie Cibrian. Her happiness convinces Regina that she's whacked out on extacy. Sam thanks Regina for fixing her up with Kevin and gives her an enthusiastic hug, making me think that Sam is high. Regina starts to tell Sam all the plans she's made for her life with Kevin, and Sam interrupts her to declare that she's in love.

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Samantha Who?




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