Back at the chicken ranch, Dena is applying makeup to Regina. Whoa, it looks like Dena went first, and someone set the makeup gun to "whore." Or Russian ice dancer -- it's pretty much the same look. Regina thinks that with her steady hands, Dena could have been a doctor's assistant. And then we see Regina's finished makeup -- it's still pretty aggressive, but not quite so garish. Less like Russian ice dancer and more like Ohio beauty queen. Speaking of which, Regina gets all teary because she hasn't felt this pretty since coming in second in a beauty pageant to Paula Drake. Regina is especially bitter that she never got to give an acceptance speech. So then Dena persuades her to give her speech, holding a bouquet of makeup brushes in her arms. Regina gives her speech, and then Dena tells her, "Oh my God, I felt like you were speaking to me." Regina decides that since she's shared a dark secret with Dena, it's only fair that Dena do the same. Dena thinks for a second and tells her that her dream was always to be an artist. She spent weeks trying to draw the turtle on the matchbook in order to be admitted to art school. Regina: "Oh, honey, didn't you know that was a scam? They just wanted your money, they accepted everyone." Dena: "Not everyone." Heh. Regina's response is perfect, as she tells Dena that she hates the art school for ruining her dream. Dena hates Paula Drake for ruining Regina's dream. Regina notes that Paula lives just two blocks away. Regina can't stand seeing her house, "and that ridiculous rabbit statue on her lawn, like she's better than everyone else." Dena: "Let's T.P. her house." Regina: "Oh, please." Dena: "Yes!" Regina: "You talked me into it. You're very persuasive. You could have been a lawyer's assistant." She can come work for me, if she wants -- I could use a whacky sidekick around the office.
Sam is sleeping on the couch when she hears a voice whispering her name. She opens her eyes to find Chloe looming over her. Chloe: "Todd is mine. Go near him, and I'll destroy you." Commercials.
It's morning. Sam is sleeping on the couch when a sharp bang causes her to wake with a start. She feels around for the bullet hole, and then realizes the sound came from the kitchen, where Chloe is juicing an orange. Chloe is all smiles as she offers breakfast to Sam and hands her a glass of juice, but there's a definite undertone of menace. Sam hesitantly accepts the juice, but announces that she'll drink it after she builds up a thirst. And then she dumps it in a plant as soon as Chloe's back is turned. Todd, who has been standing there reading a newspaper, tells Chloe that he'd like to be alone with Sam so they can talk. Chloe leaves, but not before making these weird growling and meowing sounds. Sam hustles over to Todd, clearly planning to tell him about Chloe's nocturnal mission. But he's more interested in telling her how upset he is that she sneaked into his bedroom and threatened Chloe. Which is what Chloe told him happened.