Samantha Who?
The Hypnotherapist

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The Hypnotherapist

Pan across a stove, where a pot of spaghetti sauce is bubbling away. Sam's cooking! I tried to place a bet as to whether she was cooking in her parents' kitchen or in Todd's kitchen, but I couldn't find a person on the face of this earth who would take a piece of that action -- because, as we all know, it's a pretty safe bet that, at any moment of any day, Sam is at Todd's. Sam's V.O. tells us that the last time she had any alone time was when she was in her coma. She's a disaster cooking, by the way. Despite the fact that the spaghetti sauce seems to be mostly done, she opens a huge can of tomatoes (dropping the can opener on the floor), and then sticks the can in the microwave. It bursts into flame in about three seconds, while Sam's V.O. tells us how proud she is to be on the road to taking care of herself. Todd's apartment has the most sensitive smoke alarm in the world, and starts beeping the instant there's any smoke. Sam bats ineffectually at the flames as Todd enters the apartment and...blows the fire out? He wonders why Sam's so stupid that she put metal in the microwave, but she obviously forgot about that rule. He's also curious as to why she's cooking in his apartment -- it's because Regina is a very wise woman who knew that Sam would burn the house down if she tried to cook a meal. Sam's leg hurts, but only so they can remind us that she's afraid of elevators and had to climb the stairs multiple times while doing the shopping for the meal she was cooking. Todd points out that she never cooked before her amnesia, but Sam thinks she's a fine cook now. At least, she thinks that until she tastes the sauce. As she looks kind of disgusted by her own cooking, Todd looks at the recipe card and asks her if she put oregano in the sauce.

At the bar, Sam tells Andrea and Dena that she turns out to be allergic to oregano. We can tell she's allergic because her tongue is swollen to comical proportions. Andrea and Dena both laugh at Sam's swollen-tongue pronunciation of the word "spice." Andrea tells them that she wishes she had a food allergy, since it would help her to stay thin. Well, actually, she only tells Sam that -- she pretty much ignores Dena whenever they're together. Sam cuts Andrea off to complain about her inability to care for herself, but Andrea interrupts right back, telling her, "Ding! Enough of Sam time, now it's Andrea time." She starts telling a story about a guy she dated named Peter, and Dena cuts her off to ask if they can't schedule a little Dena time into the conversation. Andrea just ignores her and notes that Sam must remember Peter, since they met him at the only bar in Chicago on the night the two of them discovered sake bombs (which, as we'll see later, is just a depth charge, a.k.a. a boilermaker). Of course, Sam does not remember Peter because she HAS AMNESIA! In case you forgot. Speaking of forgetting, Andrea forgot Peter's phone number and went to a hypnotherapist to try to remember it. Sam is intrigued by this hypnomotherapy, and Dena tells her that hypnotherapists can help with lots of things, including "insomnia, smoking, fear of dinosaurs." Sam asks Andrea for the number of her hypnotherapist; Andrea thinks that's a great idea, since Sam was there when Peter gave her his number, and the hypnotherapist may help her to recall it. Credits.

Back at her parents' house, Regina is hectoring Sam, trying to get her to cancel her hypnotherapy appointment. She calls on Howard for some support, and he reminds Sam of the time an evil hypnotist made him think he was a duck. I mean, I assume the hypnotist was evil, since he was working in Branson, Missouri. Regina's opposition to hypnotherapy makes Sam think she's trying to hide something, but Regina just thinks that "most people would pay to forget the things [Sam has] done." Regina tries to make a point with a story from Sam's past, asking her whether she remembers what happened when she was eight. Sam does not remember, because...well, you know. (This joke was starting to bother me, but then I realized it's not a joke, it's just a normal way of speaking that happens to be completely annoying due to Sam's amnesia. It's like when I'm talking to my friend Mike and I'm trying to remember the name of the actress who played Major Kira on Deep Space Nine, and I keep insisting that Mike must remember who she was, because she was short and had red hair and used to be on that soap opera, but Mike obviously can't remember who she was -- but I still keep saying it, over and over, "I know you know who she is, you'll be kicking yourself when it comes to you, come on, what was her name?" Wait, maybe that is annoying. I think I may owe Mike a drink.) Anyhoo, what happened when Sam was eight was that she whined and whined for a trampoline, and then was all upset when she jumped on it and hit her head on a beehive. Underneath which Regina placed the trampoline so that Sam wouldn't jump too high. Sam just wants some real memories, and not the fake ones that Regina keeps making up, like the fictional exchange student from Prague that Regina claimed was Sam's best friend in high school.

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Samantha Who?

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