Samantha Who?
The Virgin

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The Virgin

At a coffee shop, Andrea and Dena prove themselves equally inept at describing sex to Sam. Having said that, I'm not sure how I would go about describing it to Sam. I'D SHOW HER. Heh heh h--cough, cough. Oh, god, I am so sorry. I'd like to think, though, that the phrase "tastes like chicken" would not come up. Dena and Andrea's whole "angel vs. devil" routine manifests itself this week in Dena thinking Samantha should wait for the right guy to come along and Andrea basically thinking that Samantha should head down to the docks all "hello, sailor." "You are an adult, human woman. So much of who you are is tied up in sex!" says Andrea, who hasn't noticed that the lesson being driven home each week is that Samantha is no longer a shallow, selfish, vicious bitch. This would also mean, per moralistic Hollywood convention, that Samantha no longer will be interested in casual sex. ["She'll get a fatal disease if she is!" -- Miss Alli] Still, Andrea thinks that if Samantha gets out there, it will all come back to her. Uh, so to speak. Dena is concerned, with apparent experience, that Sam will wake up with cotton candy stuck to her back and a long walk home. Uh, I say we hear a little more from Dena! Samantha figures that it happens when it happens, but she seems to feel a little more urgency when some douchebag outside revs the engine of his jeep. Guess one of the concepts Samantha needs to relearn is "overcompensation."

Samantha's excuse du episode for returning to her ex-boyfriend's place is to get enough clothes that she doesn't have to keep coming back. Uh, Samantha? That would be all of them. And you should have done it a while ago. Amusingly, Todd busies himself with sliding a pencil in and out of a sharpener. And in and out. And in and out. Samantha finally has to ask him to stop. Then she asks him if they had sex before. "Of course we have," says Todd, pointing out that they were together for three years. "Can't remember it," confesses Samantha. "Well, that's flattering," says Todd. Hey, asshole: SHE HAS AMNESIA. What Samantha really wants to know is if it was good. "Very," says a somewhat flustered Todd. God, how nice would it be for my ex-girlfriends to get amnesia and then ask me that question? The phrase "revisionist history" comes to mind.

Now it's on to Inappropriate Conversation with Sardonic Doorman. In this chapter, Samantha out of nowhere informs Frank that she's a virgin. "Yes, ma'am. And I'm a pirate," he says, gravely. Heh.

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Samantha Who?

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