And then Sam (looking smashing in the bridesmaid dress) enters the hotel. She hasn't missed the ceremony, and she sends Dena to find a seat and her parents off to the room while she looks for the bride. Awkwardly, she runs into Todd before she finds anyone else. She thinks that they must have been planning on attending the wedding together, but he bursts her self-centered bubble by telling her that he's the photographer (as evidenced by the camera he's holding). He's also quite surprised to see her there. As is Andrea, who runs up to her with a slightly panicked look on her face. I wonder how they could get any more of the cast at this wedding. Maybe Frank is performing the ceremony. The bride walks up behind Sam, and she throws a glass of champagne in Sam's face as Sam turns to greet her. Without missing a beat, the bride tells the world in general to get that bitch (i.e., Sam) out of her wedding. Commercials.
Sam, shut out of the room in which the ceremony is taking place, is getting the scoop from Andrea on why Valerie seems to hate her so. It turns out that she was running a pool on how long the marriage would last. Hmmm. Mean, but funny. And potentially profitable. That's the Bad Sam we want to see. Also, Andrea is at the wedding because she took Valerie's side against Sam, even though she only knew Valerie through Sam. It turns out Valerie's family is loaded, and access to a yacht outweighs friendship in Andrea's mind. In fact, she realizes that she courts social doom by just being seen with Sam, so she gets up and slinks off to the wedding. Sam signals to Dena through the glass door that she's leaving, and Dena awkwardly gets up and sneaks out of the ceremony.
In Sam's parents' hotel room, Regina and Howard have already taken off their clothes and gotten into the big, comfy hotel bathrobes. And ordered an artisanal cheese plate from room service. Sam wants her luggage, because she wants to go home. Dena accuses her of quitting, and Sam tells her that she has no interest in staying in a place she's not wanted. Dena: "It's not that hard. You get used to it." Dena is so very sad, and so very funny. I would kind of like to watch the Dena Show. Sam's phone rings; it's Howard, calling from the bathroom phone. He's fallen in love with the heated floors, and now is wholeheartedly behind the idea of redoing the bathroom at home. Touchingly, Regina tells Sam that she really wishes she could wrap her arms around Sam and make everything better. But since she can't, her only other suggestion is for Sam to run off and assume a fake identity. Oooh, maybe she could go work with the Crab Man in Camden County. I do like that Sam has realized that Good Sam is going to have to accept the consequences for the things that Bad Sam did, but Dena wisely points out that part of being the new, better Sam is the chance to, you know, make things better. So Sam decides that she's going to go to that wedding and make Valerie forgive her if it's the last thing she does. And really, the worst thing that could happen is that she might get some more champagne thrown in her face. At least it's a free drink. If she manages to catch any in her mouth, and not choke on it. As Sam and Dena leave, Howard whispers to Regina, "Sex?" Regina: "Well, we've got to hurry. The cheese is coming."