Previously on Samantha Who?, amnesiac Samantha met her parents, her best friend, her childhood best friend, her ex-boyfriend, her doorman, her boss, her secretary, and her plastic surgeon. Who will she meet this episode? Therapist? Parole officer? Seventh-grade gym teacher? Let's watch and find out!
Good Sam starts out by meeting -- via answering machine -- a bunch of people from whom Bad Sam apparently stole clothing. Said answering machine is at her ex-boyfriend's apartment, where Dena is making awkward small talk with Todd, reminiscing about all the fun times they spent at Sam's bedside while she was in a coma. And really, the writers need to find a way to get Sam and Todd back together, because they're going to run out of plausible reasons for her to keep running back to his apartment. In fact, I'd say they ran out of reasons when they decided she needed to go there to listen to old answering machine messages just so she could learn (again) how much everyone hated her. Sam quickly gets sick of hearing people complain about her behavior and threaten legal action, and records a new outgoing message that consists of her screaming, "I'm SOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYY...leave a message after the beep." Isn't that Todd's machine?
As Sam and Dena leave Todd's building, Frank the doorman tells her that the tailor dropped something off for her. Sam asks Dena how they drifted apart. The story involves Sam standing Dena up in the eighth grade at some place called the Beef Grindery. The what? That's got to be either a quaint old-timey hamburger joint or a gay sex club. I'm not sure which is worse. The package dropped off by the tailor is a dress, which they quickly realize is a bridesmaid dress. Sam's so thrilled that someone seems to have liked her enough to include her in a wedding party that she doesn't react to Frank telling her that the tailor suggested she kill herself.
Sam rushes in to Ma and Pa Newly's looking for the mail she brought back from Todd's. As you would expect, the wedding (of two people named Valerie and Trey) is happening that very same day. Sam decides that she's going to the chapel and she's gonna...watch someone else get married. Her parents invite themselves along when they realize the wedding is at a fancy hotel with super-cheap wedding-party room rates, and Sam rounds out the cast by inviting Dena to come as her date.
And then Sam (looking smashing in the bridesmaid dress) enters the hotel. She hasn't missed the ceremony, and she sends Dena to find a seat and her parents off to the room while she looks for the bride. Awkwardly, she runs into Todd before she finds anyone else. She thinks that they must have been planning on attending the wedding together, but he bursts her self-centered bubble by telling her that he's the photographer (as evidenced by the camera he's holding). He's also quite surprised to see her there. As is Andrea, who runs up to her with a slightly panicked look on her face. I wonder how they could get any more of the cast at this wedding. Maybe Frank is performing the ceremony. The bride walks up behind Sam, and she throws a glass of champagne in Sam's face as Sam turns to greet her. Without missing a beat, the bride tells the world in general to get that bitch (i.e., Sam) out of her wedding. Commercials.