Janitor and his girlfriend, Lady, are all smoochy-smoochy. After she leaves, Janitor starts talking to Carla in a Southern accent, which he calls his "smitten voice." He walks away and tips an imaginary cap. He kind of sounded like Foghorn Leghorn.
Turk and Dr. Cox have a contest to see who can last longer in a room with a fat patient who has a fungal infection in the folds of his stomach. That is like my nightmare. That I would get so fat that I would have a fungal infection and not know it. Or have to wash with a rag on a stick. Although I've never really considered it before, but I had a very visceral reaction. Anyway, JD is takes a turn and lasts less than a second.
Dr. Cox buys Turk a latte for winning the contest. JD wonders why they spend so much time competing, and Cox says it's what men do. JD sneaks a glance at Turk to confirm, and Turk nods. I have to agree; when I used to work in the bookstore, a bunch of guys would go out to the loading dock and play register tape baseball. Surprisingly fun! JD thinks he won a contest for counting coffee beans in a jar, but Kelso really won, and he got a ton of muffins. This is important because he will be eating muffins for the rest of the episode. Cox says they like to relive past victories, because they're winners, which JD would know if he'd ever won anything in his life. JD says he won a nerd-tossing contest -- he was the nerd being tossed, which leads to a mullet-JD flashback.
Turk stands on a chair so that he can see into the rooms of four different patients at once. He has all of the patients do a verbal check-in and his rounds are complete. Elliot likes a more personal approach. She brags that being in private practice lets her get to know her patients, and everyone immediately pretends to fall asleep. Elliot starts whining, and Cox tells her to be quiet, because people are sleeping. He then admits that the whole prank was Kelso's idea, and everyone applauds. Kelso announces that he signed the hospital up for a web site called RateYourDoc.org, where patients can rate their doctors. He hopes it leads to better patient care, or all of the hospital employees becoming completely insecure. Either one.