Turks waits outside in his giant lab coat. Kelso walks out and confirms that he hired Turk as a surgeon, and then says, "Way to go, Bob." JD walks out and says he's not going to play with Turk today, because it's time for them to grow up.
Elliot and Janitor check Kelso's file and find out that Kelso is turning 65.
Dr. Cox goes into Josh's room and fills him in on his leukemia. WOW! Doctors are always pulling this shit on TV, but I have to imagine it would result in a GIANT lawsuit. Whether or not you were a giant doctor.
Ted tells Dr. Cox that Josh's parents are livid. Well, I would guess so. Nearby, Elliot tells Kelso that she has a secret. My favorite moment of the episode is what Kelso says next: "What has two thumbs, a funny voice, and doesn't give a crap? [points thumbs at himself and speaks in funny voice] Bob Kelso! I added the funny voice to keep it fresh."Elliot says she has 65 reasons why she should give a crap. The elevator doors open and Janitor blurts, "You're old!" He continues as the elevator doors closes, "Yes! I've been saying that every time the doors open for the last two hours, and I finally got my man. [Puts his hand up for a high five] Give it up! Little something! Still got time! [Doors close] We'll do it later!"
JD apologizes if he hurt Turk's feelings with his refusal to be childish. Turk says he's not upset, mostly because he plans on winning JD back over to the childish side. JD walks off, but ends up getting threatened by crazy Hooch.
Ted is really worried about the lawsuit Dr. Cox is surely to get slapped with any moment now. Cox thinks Carla will back him up, but Carla says she's not planning on it, but she is planning on being there when Cox gets his "bony, white ass handed to [him]." Dr. Cox goes into Josh's room with his parents to talk this over. Inside the room, Dr. Cox asks Josh to tell his parents what he said when Cox told him about his leukemia. Josh says that he already knew he was sick, because his mom was doing a weird smile. His parents apologize, and Cox walks aside to taunt Carla that his ass is still intact. Carla sighs that he just doesn't get it.
Turk asks JD for some help. He goes into a medical question, but then interrupts to say that Hooch is on the verge of a major meltdown. Now Rex plus three other interns are following him around, because Turk promises the one who sticks with it the longest a letter of recommendation. Hooch promises to kill the followers.
Kelso is pissed that Elliot and Janitor read his private personnel file. Is the theme of this episode "Lawsuits, And How To Attract Them?" My Lawsuit? My Legal Troubles? Anyway, Janitor says that his personnel file says his name is Captain Billy Stinkwater and he's half-gopher. Elliot doesn't think Kelso should be so sensitive about his age, because old people command more respect and get discounts. Janitor adds that people think it's adorable when old people toot. Kelso farts and Elliot goes, "Awww!" Elliot hypes up the party, which will have cake and presents. Janitor is forced to give Kelso his drill as a gift. Kelso says he doesn't want a party, and Elliot says there's just one problem. Cut to Kelso walking into his surprise party, which Ted has decorated with Hannukah decorations, because they were on sale.