Jordan is preparing to leave, and insists that Perry will miss her while she's gone, more than she will miss him. Cox retorts, "Oh, please. Underneath those four pounds of makeup and quarter-inch of synthetically-paralyzed skin, there is a frightened little drunk girl that I can already hear blubbering on the phone." He imitates her crying. Jordan responds by imitating him crying. They go on for a moment, and Jordan bets him that he'll call her first. Cox takes that bet.
JD wonders what Cox will do, since he's alone for the weekend. JD Fantasy time! Cox slides into frame, Risky Business-style, complete with white socks and white shirt. You see far less of his tighty-whities than you did those of Mr. Tom Cruise, thankfully. Before he can really kick it into high gear, JD (also in costume) slides in and runs into him. As Cox is telling him to get out, Turk slides in too. JD tells Turk that Cox said no, and they start arguing as The Todd slides in. Except The Todd is only wearing camouflage bikini underwear and no shirt. He asks the other guys why they're wearing such giant underwear. And his parts are all flopping around, as per usual.
JD ends his fantasy and tells Elliot, "Sometimes, you just gotta say, 'What the fudge?'" Elliot tells him that's not the line, but JD says he only saw Risky Business once, and it was on a plane. I had that problem with The Breakfast Club for a long time. When I saw the uncensored version, I was scandalized!
Not Laverne walks up and asks Janitor for some toilet paper. JD tells her that she looks just like a nurse that used to work there. He doesn't mention that the nurse died -- poor taste. JD decides he's going to call this new nurse (whose name is actually Shirley) "Lavern-again."
Turk and Carla argue over the Spanish-speaking issue. Carla wants Izzy to know her heritage, and ultimately wants to take her "to the homeland." Turk's like, "Chicago?" Carla was talking about the Dominican Republic, and she warns Turk not to say that's where he bought his wrinkle-free chinos. JD tries to get involved in the conversation, but neither Turk nor Carla particularly wants his advice.
Elliot plops down at a table in the cafeteria with Cox and Kelso, since there's nowhere else to sit. Cox tries to get her to leave, and Elliot says he's just cranky with Jordan gone. She's in the same boat, now that Keith is gone for good from her life. She points out that Kelso is alone too, since his wife kicked him out, so maybe they should be "The Lonely Hearts Table." Cox points out the real Lonely Hearts Table, as Ted's singing group does an a capella version of "Who Are You?" Cox says he's not lonely. He's a lot of things -- "a Scorpio, a registered independent, a foodie, a parrot-head (yes, I do love that Jimmy Buffett, always have, always will), a leg man" – and Kelso adds, "a right bastard," as Cox concludes that the one thing he is NOT is lonely.