Janitor is ready to follow this week's green initiative and save the planet. He volunteers to be Environmental Officer, and Kelso agrees, especially since it will be free.
JD and Dan have lunch in the cafeteria with Turk and Carla. JD explains that Dan is not so much living with their mom as he is living in the attic of his mom's house. JD has a great time pointing out all the ways in which Dan is kind of a failure, until Dan busts out that he's started flipping houses, and it turns out he's "really good at lying and double-speak." JD wonders why he paid for lunch if Dan's doing so well, and Dan says that he'll never turn down a free lunch. This exchange reminded me so much of my older brother that I had to reproduce it. It's like the grown-up version of a game my brother used to love to play with me called "Why are you hitting yourself?"
Dan: [Takes half of JD's sandwich]
JD: You have your own sandwich.
Dan: Now I have yours. [Takes bite] Mayo? [Spits out bite onto tray]
Elliot visits a patient who fainted. The patient wants to pretend she saw a ghost, since that would be more interesting. Elliot promises to try to find "something exotic, but not fatal." Cox watches her walk away as the intern lifts his coffee mug to his mouth for him.
Janitor tells Kelso that he can't park in his usual spot, because it's reserved for carpoolers. Kelso asks about the penalty, and Janitor says that he can only give a citation and suggested punishment. In this circumstance, Janitor might throw a wasp hive in the car and mess with the locks. In fact, that's exactly what Janitor did to Turk.
Dan thinks JD needs cheering up, so he reveals that he bought JD a new hybrid car. JD is more confused than happy.
Elliot tells her patient, Robyn, that she's malnourished. Robyn protests that she eats, and Elliot runs down all the symptoms and causes. Hey, one of my best friends in college collapsed from malnutrition. Twice. The second time, an ambulance came and they strapped him to the board and everything. He's fine, now. And he was not a heavy exerciser or anything -- just had a really fast metabolism and was an impoverished college student. As Elliot explains the diagnosis, Cox creeps in behind her and listens in. Elliot tells Robyn to gain some weight. Cox picks Elliot up and carries her out of the room. In the hall, he explains that Elliot is the same height as her patient; he wonders how her weight compares. Elliot starts screeching.