Dan tells JD that he bought the car so that JD could visit his kid and not have to drive the scooter. JD refuses the gift, but then takes an ashtray and tries to smash the windshield. It bounces off.
Cox weighs himself holding Elliot, and then figures out that she weighs a pound less than her malnourished patient does. Cox tells Elliot that she's the hypocrite.
JD is still trying to smash the windshield, with no luck. Dan wants to know what the problem is. JD pauses, but then goes for it and tells Dan that he's supposed to be the loser brother, not JD. He finally succeeds in smashing the windshield. Dan tells JD to grow up. JD's environmental punishment for hurting a hybrid car? Janitor smashes an aluminum can on his forehead.
Back in the hospital, JD VOs that he's not speaking to his brother. In response, Dan has become a character he calls "The Constant Questioner." I'm sure you can guess what that consists of.
Dr. Cox announces Mattel's newest creation: Hypocrite Barbie. Elliot grabs him and drags him into Robyn's room, where she asks Robyn if they should gain a few pounds together. Robyn agrees, and tells Dr. Cox he has crazy eyes.
Janitor chastises Carla for washing her hands so often. Carla explains that she just changed an old guy's diaper and now she's going to eat a muffin. Ted walks by and says that he doesn't want to see what's next, because he thinks Carla's punishment is going to be drinking mop water. Janitor tells Carla that he won't make her do it, but that they have to pretend that he did. JD walks over and complains that Dan told him he needs to grow up. He asks if Carla thinks that too. JD VO explains that "The Hedging Noise Symphony" followed, which consists of quick cuts of various hospital staffers making "um" and "er" noises set to (I think) Bizet's Carmen. On first viewing, I paused it here and turned to my husband and said, "How the fuck am I supposed to weecap that?" It was pretty genius, though.
JD asks Dr. Cox, "Do you think I need to grow up?" Cox muses that you prepare your whole life for something, and when it happens, you're not ready, but that he's going to give it a shot: "The answer is a sincere, emphatic, one hundred percent definitive, never-been-so-sure-of-anything-in-my-life, unequivocal yes. And the fact that you came to me means everybody else thinks so too." JD flashes back to everyone else saying yes too, including Kelso saying, "Oh hells yeah."
JD goes to his guy-lover, Turk, for some understanding. Turk has painted a Harry Potter scar and glasses on his face and says that Carla asked him to trash his face paint. Instead, he paints basketball lines on his head, and JD pretends to dribble his skull. Until he tries to go between the legs, and they realize that it's too weird.
Elliot has two pieces of cake. She explains to Carla and Ted about her weight gain. Okay, she's a doctor. She must know that there are healthier ways to pack on a couple of pounds. Ted is impressed that Elliot is willing to "go all jiggly for a patient." Cox interrupts and gets everyone to agree that Elliot has been looking fantastic lately. Elliot throws down her cake. This storyline is dumb.