So then we go into full-on Princess Bride mode as we see the story that Cox is telling his son. It's all about a village called Sacred Heartia. Shirley, an angry villager, yells at the giant, Janitor, about how filthy the village is, and the giant admits that he's been swabbing people's homes with ox urine. Plus he likes to eat babies.
On the outskirts of town, The Princess (Elliott) had a sick handmaiden, so she sent out a call for help. The Village Idiot (JD) shows up, and Elliott protests that she sent for someone strong and brave. JD protests that he's brave, because he just saved a fish from drowning. Cox goes on and on about how much of an idiot JD is, until Jack protests, so Cox says that JD and Elliott had a sordid past. JD says he just came by so that Elliott can apologize for claiming that he was the one who wanted to kiss her. Elliot is too concerned with her handmaiden, who is being terrorized by a monster. JD peeks in on the handmaiden, who is resting peacefully, so JD pooh poohs the idea of a monster. A giant smoke monster swooshes into the room and roars (shout-out to Lost?) and JD agrees that a monster is the culprit.
Back in the real world, JD tries to help Elliott with her patient with the mysterious illness. In fantasyland, Keith rides up on a horse wearing a Prince Valiant wig and a lot of lipstick. He hopes that if he can solve the mystery of the illness, Elliott will be his again. Elliott tells him it isn't happening and demands the return of the key to her chastity belt. Keith really looks like a chick. Elliott unlocks her chastity belt and says, "That is gonna make so many things so much easier." JD thinks they could have used Keith's help, and the two-headed Turk and Carla witch pops in with a puff of smoke. Cox voiceovers that "the Turla was once two separate witches, but when they married, they merged into one." The Turk half massages the Carla half's breast and says (alternating words), "That's what I'm talking about." Carla tells Elliott to meet them at the potion shop to get something to stop the monster. Then there's some period "humor," which isn't that funny, so let's move on. JD promises that they can take his sweet ride to the potion shop.
The sweet ride is a donkey. Elliott asks JD how he gets his hair like that. JD says he uses "one part horse manure, one part river mud, and one part my special ingredient." JD voiceover: "More horse manure!" Then the hunchback (Ted) appears and announces the pending arrival of the Dark Lord. Cox voiceovers that the Dark Lord Oslek (hmm, what does that spell backwards) was in charge of the entire land. Kelso pops up with devil horns and crazy eyebrows. He pronounces that anyone who goes into the Forbidden Forest will disappear. Doug says that he was in the forest earlier and is still around. Kelso makes him disappear.