The women's bathroom is out of order so Dr. Reed takes the brave step of using the men's room. She settles into a stall, prides herself on having her ass rated as a 9.2 on the bathroom wall, and then inadvertently eavesdrops on a phone call that Dr. Kelso is having. Seems that Kelso is being forced out of his job because the Board found out how old he is because Dr. Reed threw him a birthday party. Evil biz-atch that she is. Now she feels all guilty about getting his crusty evilness fired. But that particular guilt trip is cut short when Kelso tells her that the 9.2 rating is out of a 100. Yee-ouch!
JD wants to drop Sam off in the doctor's lounge so he can be lulled to sleep by West Side Story. Dr. Cox will allow it so long as JD promises not to snap. Turk won't let JD change the channel without Rowdy Roddy Piper-ing it up first. They wrestle and then Turk ends up awkwardly bouncing up and down on JD's tushy. It's embarrassing for everyone. So embarrassing that it makes the front page of the inaugural issue of The Janitorial! Turk and JD are proud because now everyone knows who are the best buds in the whole hospital. JD announces that Stacy and Tracy can suck it. Turk nods his head and points out that Stacy and Tracy are right there. They are little tiny girls in hospital gowns with sad eyes and dark circles and they are wearing each other's oxygen tubes. JD says they win. The vignette is interrupted when Oprah swoops in, gives the sad girls Ken Paves makeovers, and a Toyota Prius. Dr. Cox is horrified at JD's lack of manly testosterone-driven pride what with being photographed with another man jumping up and down on his heinie. What kind of role model will he be for his son? JD brushes him off with a "whatever borderline alcoholic."
Elliot attempts to apologize to Kelso and offers to go to the Board and try and get him his job back. Kelso doesn't want her help and he wants her to keep it to herself. But what fun would that be, Kelso? Obviously Carla overhears the part about it being a secret.
At The Janitorial's staff meeting Janitor tells the team that the paper is a hit and they need to get their next issue out because The Janitorial is a tri-daily. He doesn't want to start the meeting until Ted gets there though. Ted is there. Poor Ted. Cox interrupts the meeting to tell Janitor that reading the paper was the first time he could actually feel himself getting stupider. I guess he's never watched an episode of The Bad Girls Club. Janitor wants to know if Cox was calling him stupid and Cox confirms that he was.