The show opens with JD rudely shutting down an elderly patient who is trying to take charge of her medical care by determinedly asking for a pelvic exam. In these days of managed care and HMOs taking away our choice of doctors and our right to see specialists, and the insurance companies deciding what prescriptions we can take, we should be glad to see an empowered patient. But I'm not, 'cause ew. Pelvic exams? For a cold. Ew ew ew. JD is grossed out, too, particularly when she makes a few more pointed references to his lady bumps or whatever he has going on under those baggy scrubs. I assume he looks like a Ken doll. Feel free to email me evidence to the contrary. JD voice-overs that Mrs. Crocker wasn't the only one being overly aggressive. Seems that ever since Turk visited his brother last month he has been acting "more Alpha Male than ever." Apparently being Alpha Male involves some sort of primogenitur urge to wrestle for the remote in the breakroom. It also involves The Todd in a multi-color banana hammock, an image that has now been permanently burned into my retinas. Thank you writers! Needless to say The Todd is not built like a Ken doll.
Dr. Kelso is being his normal self. Read: Informing a patient that he doesn't care that he has been waiting two hours to be seen by a doctor. He then thanks the patient for letting him think about it. Zoinks! Kelso then asks the room at large whether there is anyway to get the patients to settle down when the waiting room is overcrowded and backed up. I opine that free doughnuts, foot rubs, and premium cable would dramatically improve your average hospital waiting room, but Janitor interrupts to suggest that a duck pond in the middle of the room would make all the difference. Kelso can't imagine why he hasn't told Janitor before, but no one cares what he thinks. Aw, snap!
Janitor quickly gathers his troops (The Todd and the guy who works in the morgue) to get revenge on the evil Dr. Kelso and his cold-hearted ways. Janitor explains that it was pointed out to him that no one cares what they think, but he has a plan to get their voices heard. He is starting a newsletter called The Janitorial. The Todd asks if he can be the photographer so he has an excuse to wear his handy-dandy up-the-skirt foot cam. Janitor is going to write all the editorials, but he wants an investigative journalist to join the team. That person has to be someone who is sneaky, undetectable, and so quiet that he can listen in without anyone knowing he is there. Ted volunteers. Everyone is surprised that he is there because no one noticed him. Poor Ted.