JD is assaulted in the waiting room by Mrs. Crocker's husband who is demanding to know about the fingernail marks down his wife's back. JD is about to get his clock cleaned (and not in the helpful good for the kinetic mechanism sort of way) when Turk steps up until the man backs down. Dr. Cox has ingeniously ushered Sam out of daycare so that he can witness what a candy-ass his dad is. Where did the fingernail marks come from? Ew ew ew.
Carla continues to harass Elliott about her secret. Is she pregnant? Is it Kelso's baby? Elliott ignores her and runs some tests on her new patient and his puckered skin. Meanwhile Janitor has launched his revenge against Cox. He published a fake interview in The Janitorial wherein Cox confesses that his tough outer shell is just a cry for help and people should offer him hugs and pats on the back. Kind of like ice cream covered in Magic Shell. I could hug and pat that all day.
JD tells Turk that he didn't need his help with the crazy ass whooping patient and that he could have handled it. JD wants to be a strong male role model for Sam, but Turk says that he is going to the one to teach Sam about sports and stuff and JD is supposed to handle Izzy's emotional crap. JD isn't having it. He tries to get the remote out of Turk's hands and ends up trapped again. He uses his feelings about being trapped to empathize with Cox and Elliott's situations. How very Iron John of him. Elliott has to tell her patient that he has breast cancer. JD accidentally elbows Turk and knocks him off of him. JD grabs the opportunity to show how manly he is. How very very manly. He's a regular Mike Ditka.
Turk is looking for JD. JD is hiding from the inevitable beat down. Elliott's patient is not very into the idea of having breast cancer. What with being a dude and all. Elliott explains that anyone can get breast cancer and they should start chemo right away. She asks if she can call his brothers and he says no. He is not telling anyone about it.
Cox walks the gauntlet of shoulder clapping and hand patting until he can't take it anymore and announces that the interview was faked. No one cares, they want him to break free from his anger. They want to get through his hard magic shell to his creamy vanilla interior. Man do I want ice cream.
JD rushes into the cafeteria to use Carla as a human shield against Turk. Carla and Elliott are discussing her patient and why he won't accept any help. Carla says it is just like how Turk pretended to go visit his brother but really was getting his testicle removed and couldn't tell anyone but JD. JD has no idea what she is talking about and Turk tells Carla that he never told JD about his surgery. JD wants to know if he kept it so they could plant a nut tree in the backyard or something. What kind of fruit would grow on that? Er, don't answer that. Turk points out that Carla is gone and JD is fair game again for a beating.