Secret Circle

Episode Report Card
admin: D | Grade It Now!
Over The Hills To Grandma's Coven
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

It's been a while. What I'm absolutely sure of is that, during their time off, the people running this show got to the business of picking out what's working on this program and amping it up and losing the rest. Granted, it's kind of impossible at this point to get rid of Cassie and she's such a drag, so fine, just make the bitch evil. We can all deal with that, right? Well, here we are. It's going to be great. Right?

We open with Cassie sleeping. She's oddly more energetic in this state. She opens her eyes and goes to her bedroom door. Jake is there and it frightens her. He's spooky and says that her front door was open. Now, obviously this is a dream, because Jake's hair is in a dreamscape pompadour, but I find that the writers on this show solve too many narrative problems with things like, "Your front door was open." She acts frightened and reminds him that he is a witch hunter. But, then he reminds her that he saved her and they weren't very happy about that. He says that he's there to talk about dark magic and tells her that he was wrong before- she can't be helped. "You think I'm evil?" she asks. For Christ's sake, better than boring. He says that she knows. She has evil blood. Balcoin blood. The devil's blood. Then, her face screws up and she pushes him really hard. He stands stunned for a moment, then grabs his throat and falls to the ground. Bloods spilling out of his mouth and he's making all sorts of dying sounds when Cassie wakes with a start. Not so fast. Chris Zylka, the guy playing Jake, is so sick pretty that it's almost distracting me from the total aimlessness of this dark magic shiz. His skin is like a buttered roll. That is a very good thing.

Cassie is going through some book about black magic when Adam knocks on her door. He says that she doesn't look sick. Ah. So, she's playing hooky. Pure evil. She says that there's just a lot to deal with, Jake being hunted, Adam himself. Poor thing. She doesn't mention that she's evil. He asks why the witch hunters had been afraid of her, so they start studying the dark magic stuff together. He's skeptical and seems to make Cassie feel a little better. She says that Jane has gone to "healer" because she just isn't herself. So, no one's looking after her? She doesn't have to go stay with Diana or something? What's happening to Jake's house?

At Diana's, there's someone at the door and it's freaking Dee Dee McCall from Hunter! But, here they're calling her "Grandma Kate." I wonder if she's undercover. Sexiest cop of the 80's, folks. Purple eye shadow for DAYS. Anyway, Diana's psyched to see her and efficiently (because the writers have SO MUCH story that they want to fit into this hour, I'm sure) tells her right away that Charlie is dating Dawn. She says it's just like high school all over again and says that Charlie always had a crush on her. Nobody in that freaking group dated the actual people they wanted to be with, did they? All this writing in the stars but everybody in Chance Harbor is apparently star-writing illiterate. Anyway, Charlie shows up and says, in a clunky way, that Diana would know all about power couples. Weird. She goes upstairs and Dee Dee tells him that Diana and Adam broke up. She didn't tell Charlie. Hmm. She just tells him that girls don't tell their father's such things.

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Secret Circle




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