Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B+ | Grade It Now!
Par-tay! Whooo!

The back room has a brightly-lit round bed in the center, but it's unoccupied at the moment. The bed is, I mean. There are a few people making out in the dark corners of the room, avoiding the light, but Belle and Alexander go straight for the bed. Alexander explains that he doesn't want to get it on right away. He wants to watch all the men at the party wanting her, "and then, maybe, later on at home, when you are really desperate, then I will fuck you." Belle gives the camera a quick "Can you believe this guy?" look, and then says okay.

Walking into another room, Belle bumps into someone and knocks champagne on herself. Them she bumps into the waiter because she's so diligently hiding her face with her straight black wig. In the bathroom, she dumps out the champagne and tells us that she always panics when she recognizes someone because she has to stop and figure out where she knows them from.

Prowling the party, Belle realizes that the man is Jay Lorre, who wrote a book that changed her life. He's in a group that is discussing An Inconvenient Truth, which does not make this seem like the sexiest party ever. Oh, and it turns out it's just wine instead of champagne, although it looks like it might fizz a bit. Belle flirts a bit with Jay and offers to go somewhere more private. Before they can do anything, Alexander swoops in and pulls Belle away for a shoulder massage. He's delighted that the writer is turned on by Belle, but it turns out that Alexander's kink involves repeatedly saying "But he can't have you. Only I can have you." Belle is not delighted.

Later that night, Belle is cranky that she's here with "the only possessive man at an orgy." Bored, Belle strikes up a conversation with a languid blonde so that Alexander has someone to talk to about hybrid cars and renewable energy. Man, if this is the sort of thing that happens at orgies, I'm glad I've never been to one. Belle slinks off and accosts Lorre. They chat briefly about Alexander and possessiveness and whatnot until someone comes by ringing a loud bell and announcing that "the show is starting." Oh boy, a show! It turns out to involve heart-shaped balloons being popped one by one. It's like burlesque, but not sexy. It's like a burlesque of burlesque.

Jay and Belle sneak off to the "play room", which is full of moaning people, unless that's just the soundtrack. They make out on the bed, which is less scandalous than I was hoping for. Meanwhile, Alexander is swearing at the pure eroticism embodied by someone who's more or less fully clothed beneath the balloons. As Jay and Belle make out, a woman starts stroking Belle with a feather, and now it's a three-way. A man watches from outside the bed, unbuttoning his shirt, and Belle suddenly stops the proceedings. Her new friends offers to take her home, and it is suddenly back on.

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl




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