Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 1 USERS: A+
Shiny Boots of Leather

Now the man is wearing some sort of leather mask and is lapping water out of a dog dish. Sirona asks why Belle doesn't just send her client to a professional (ideally one named "Mistress Sirona"), but Belle is curious about the whole thing. "Curiosity is the first step toward enlightenment," pontificates Sirona, who is sitting extremely straight on the couch. She has very good posture. She goes on, "Belle. I like you. I like anyone with an open mind and clean shoes." Heh. It's important to have standards. She interrogates Belle a bit on whether she's just trying to find a backup career because her breasts are starting to sag (Belle: "My tits are fine.") and then it's time for the lessons.

Sirona opens up a case of, let's just call them "implements", and runs down the wide world of fetishes for Belle, while the unnamed man stands in the background, naked except for a collar, a mask, and a leather jockstrap, facing away from the camera. According to Sirona, the Fetish Breakdown is: "Cross-dress, role-play, Japanese rope bondage, dog training, maid training, dildo training, slaves, feet, and medical. But you're just a beginner." Wait, "Japanese rope bondage" is a whole category? And there's no section for just "bondage"? However, instead of quibbling over the details of categorization, it's on to more practical matters: Belle needs to know how to avoid leaving marks, because her tax man is married. The secret, it turns out, is to start with light spanking and build up the pressure until there's a lot of redness. As the circulation increases, there's more fluid in the tissue, acting as a cushion, and it's less likely to bruise. "Then," says Sirona, "you can go to town." Well, then! The man is directed to go to Position Four, which is on is hands and knees, still facing away from the camera. I mean, I don't think Position Four necessarily involves a camera. I'm just saying, he's still facing the same direction.

Sirona uses a riding crop to point out areas on the back to avoid, then demonstrates safe places to hit (the butt, basically). "Now get off the carpet, you disgust me!" she shouts, and the man crawls around a bit. Sirona goes off to the bathroom, leaving Belle alone with the man. She sits awkwardly while he sneaks looks at her and quickly stares back at the ground. From off-screen, Sirona shouts "Slave! Wipe!" and he scurries off while Belle looks slightly alarmed.

Belle ties a knot, which Sirona approves of. "That's not a bad Lark's Head. Were you in the Guides?" No, but Belle was in the Brownies. That sounds like the punch line to an obscene joke, but I assure you that it is not. Belle wants to know what the deal is with sex. The deal is that there is no sex. You know when you're done because the time is up. Sirona explains that she's above all that, and anyway she's married. Her husband is a professor. Sirona kicks the man, who has been under the table licking her boots clean. Belle looks embarrassed, but takes a turn at kicking him in the ribs. And Sirona says that she's ready, so it's time to redecorate the pad. Take out the couch, go to the sex shop, miss a call from Ben, go to the special sex shop, buy a lot of leather things, miss another call from Ben, put black plastic over the windows, miss another call, put out some wrought iron candelabras for that medieval feel, and purposely miss a call.

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl




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