Meanwhile, over at Charlotte's, Harry is on a business call and absentmindedly plucking a tea bag from his teacup and placing it on his newspaper. With a tight smile on her face, Charlotte walks over, grabs the wet tea bag, and takes it to the kitchen in order to throw it away. "Charlotte knew when Harry moved in he would unpack his bags," says Carrie's voice-over. "But she wasn't expecting tea bags." On her way to the trashcan, Charlotte encounters yet another tea bag. She chucks them both in the under-the-sink trashcan.
Meanwhile, back at Miranda's, the interrogation is just about over for Dr. Leeds. Miranda leads him to the door and shakes his hand goodbye. "I won't hold that Mets thing against you," says Miranda in a breathy flirty voice as she opens the door for him. "I appreciate that," says Dr. Leeds, giving her a quick up-down with his eyes. Miranda giggles girlishly and closes the door behind him. "He's perfect," says Miranda with her back against the door. It's like she's describing a puppy she really really wants to adopt. A board member expresses discomfort with his financials and steep alimony payments. Another board member points out that he's never owned before. "You people are crazy!" says Miranda. Cataracts Lady doesn't like the fact that he's single and that he'll inevitably throw "parties with all the girls." "I think we all know what's not being said here," says Miranda, putting her hand on her hip, obviously referring to Dr. Leeds's blackness. The board looks back at her, slightly confused. "The unspoken thing was that Robert was cute…and Miranda was horny," interjects Carrie's VO.
Back at the baby shower cum sock hop, it's getting late. Most of the guests have left, and everyone remaining has retired to the living room. Tatum's husband is smoking a fat joint, and Tatum is telling the most uproarious story about how they outbid someone on a Hamptons summer home and ended up not getting a reservation at "Nick and Toni's" for the entire summer. "I swear I had no idea who I was bidding against," says Husband of Tatum, coyly. Those of us who read Page Six know that Husband of Tatum outbid Jeff Salaway, the owner of Nick and Toni's, which is, for those of you uninitiated into the customs of the Hamptons, the center of Hamptons society. Carrie and Stanford are clearly getting bored with all this extreme Manhattan name-dropping and decide to leave, citing Stanford's gay need to start his evening at midnight. They make their way to the door, but Carrie can't find her shoes. She goes back into the living room, where Husband of Tatum is joking about "stealing Billy Joel's firewood," and announces that her shoes are missing. "That's cra-a-a-zy," says Husband of Tatum mid-inhale. After a thorough search, the shoes still haven't turned up. Tatum concludes that she can't imagine where Carrie's shoes went. "Jennifer was wearing sandals," says Tatum. "Maybe she took yours by mistake?" Carrie informs Tatum passive-aggressively that she wasn't wearing sandals, she was wearing Blahniks. Tatum magnanimously lends Carrie some shoes to wear home until the Manolos turn up. They cut to the streets of Manhattan for the visual punch line of this scene: Carrie walking home in a pair of ratty Keds. Of course, we the viewers are supposed to be scandalized over Carrie's footwear, but I can't help but express my complete horror over the leggings beneath Carrie's skirt that we haven't had the pleasure of seeing until this very moment. Unless I am mistaken, I believe they have silk-screened images of Liza Minnelli on them, and they abruptly stop mid-calf like a pair of bicycle shorts that went too far. Those pearly old lady shoes went with that? I now understand why the camera didn't pull back and reveal Carrie's entire outfit in that first scene. Carrie makes an obvious joke about "walking a mile in someone else's shoes."
The next day, or sometime thereafter, the Vagina Squad lunches at some brasserie-style place -- probably Pastis or Balthazar. Carrie still isn't over the loss of her shoes. "These were new Manolos. I hadn't even done a full lap around the party!" she explains over dessert. Charlotte can't believe someone would steal shoes from a party. Samantha is intrigued as to why Carrie removed her shoes at the party in the first place. Carrie explains that Tatum and Husband of Tatum didn't want her tracking germs into the house that would make their children sick. "Please," says Miranda. "It's children who drag the germs around!" Miranda goes onto explain that Brady caught the chicken pox from someone on the playground. "Tatum must have been mortified," says the ever so socially conscious Charlotte. Carrie explains that Tatum wasn't all that concerned. Samantha concludes that Carrie will never get her shoes back, as they are in a "pawn shop in Brooklyn." "Stop," says Carrie. "You'll make me cry into my flan." Okay, Carrie. You're eating a Spanish dessert. Spanish cuisine is hot right now. We. Get. It. Miranda notes that, "legally," Tatum owes her for them. Carrie doesn't want to go there with Tatum. Samantha argues that if Tatum's baby were missing instead of Carrie's shoes, Tatum would make a fuss. Charlotte is all, "Children aren't shoes!" Samantha goes off on a rant about children and how they're everywhere like vermin -- even classy places like Jean Georges. Jeez, she's sounding like the mayor of that town in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. To illustrate her point, an exuberant child runs by their table with chocolate all over his face. "This place is for double cappuccinos, not double strollers," says Samantha. Ew. Bad line.