Carrie's apartment is a whirlwind of shoe boxes and pink tulle. She's packing. Everything must go. To Paris. The credits begin with, "Guest starring Chris Noth," and I think I hear a fleet of car alarms going off. Nope -- just the screams of all the legions of Big fans watching. Carrie VOs that some outfits have waited their whole lives for their debut. She tears the dry-cleaner wrap off a Gaultier-looking black and white striped skirt and top, with a honking black and white striped flower in the center. Love! Carrie, in a cardigan and big black granny panties, moves boxes and selects shoes and pushes the button on her answering machine: Alek, admonishing her to stop packing and come to Paris already, since they have clothes there. Beep. Miranda, who is not calling to ask her not to go, like she has a billion times already, but to tell her that their dinner reservations are at 6 PM, making them old ladies. But that's the only way Carrie will make her plane. Oh, and "merci-beau-please don't go." Beep.
More answering machine fun. Hi, Carrie. It's Big. Carrie pauses. He's in town and wants to talk to her. Same number. In case you forgot, it's -- WHAM. Carrie hits the "delete" button and beep! The message is deleted. Carrie pushes a shoe box across the floor like she's curling, except no one is at the other end of her apartment to sweep the box to a standstill.
Carrie steps out of her apartment door in a lovely pink Oscar de la Renta dress and white evening coat. Pretty! She makes it down a few steps, then looks up and sees it: Big, parked out front in his limo, his face framed in the car window like she's seen so many times before. Instantly, she looks pissed and disarmed. He turns on the charm and drawls, "Well, if Mohammed won't come to the mountain…" She exhales a little and cocks her head. Finally he says hi, then she says hi breathlessly. Big says casually that he was in the neighborhood. So, can he talk to her? She says she's late for dinner with the girls. Big looks at his watch and makes a polite little WTF? face. "Its five forty-five." Yes, in the time you've been gone, Bog, Carrie and her friends have turned into old ladies. Now get out of the way, they're missing Matlock! He beseeches her to get into the car, since it's cold outside. Carrie obliges.
Big sends his driver Raoul outside so they can have a moment. Carrie says that's okay, since it's cold. Big urges Raoul to go, and whispers to Carrie that he'll "tip like a Rockefeller." Will he also save all his toenail clippings like one, and wear tissue boxes on his feet for slippers? Oh, my bad, that was Howard Hughes. Or maybe just a joke from The Simpsons. This late in the season, my brain has turned to mush. And with no bad fashion to make fun of, well, I'm just grasping at straws here. Carrie's even being so quiet that I can't tell her to shut up. How am I supposed to do my job?
Anyway. Now they're alone in the car. Big puts on the cute (which at his age seems more than a little desperate) and says he was "feeling like a needy chick" what with all the phone calls, and did he do anything to "piss [Carrie] off?" Hmm, where can I start? First, you went and married another girl. Then there was the going to France and leaving Carrie all alone thing. Then you came back; then you moved to Napa. Then just last year you dropped the bomb that you were having heart surgery, let Carrie take care of you, then closed the door of your heart, leaving her on the outside again, some more? Come on, dude. You've been a major cad. Now you ask if you've pissed her off? She just shakes her head and says she's "been busy with other things." He looks supremely sad. Well, that's what you get, dude. Too little, too late. The barn, she is closed. The cow giveth no more milk. Eth. Then he says he knows he freaked out about them the last time he saw her, and Carrie says it's fine, and he's fine, and he "really doesn't have to do this, okay, there's no point! It's all fine! Raoul's freezing and I have to go meet the girls." Big looks sad again, some more, then suggests that they get together for dinner tomorrow night. No response. Drinks? Nothing. Then she licks her lips like Cher and says she won't be around tomorrow night, as she's leaving for Paris tonight. Big says wow, finally taking that vacation, huh? Nope. She's going "with a man that [she's] in a relationship with." She looks at him like, so there. Boat-misser. See the tiny sails in the horizon? That's me, sucka. Big raises his eyebrows like, oh. She says, "He's wonderful, and I'm happy, so don't feel bad. Goodbye."