Sex and the City
Are We Sluts?

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Owen: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Are We Sluts?

Cut to CIM walking towards the door, holding his folded coat over his paunch, although it's too late; the damage to my fond remembrance of younger, cuter, early 1990s Chris in the Morning has been done. He looks over into the bathroom and sees Carrie sitting in the suds. With that shaggy dog, loose blonde perm, she looks to me just like a golden retriever whose master commanded to "STAY IN THE TUB" while they went to go get the flea shampoo. But CIM thinks she looks lonely and sexy, so he joins her in the tub like there's room for the two of them in there along with his considerably large midsection.

Cut to Carrie and CIM in the tub. Carrie wonders what they're doing. CIM drawls out in his stoner monotone, "Just taking a baaaaattthhhh." Then he decides, "Oh fuck it, let's just do it." Carrie freaks and throws him a towel, or rather, a wet blanket, because sex so soon between them "isn't how it's supposed to happen." She insists that they both stay in the "romance" mindset.

Cut to Samantha's building lobby. She enters, wearing a smashing red pantsuit with black block accents, while Carrie voice-overs that Samantha's "feeling exposed." Samantha walks over to the elevator, past the building's blue-haired quilting-bee participants, who are gathered down there whispering about her. Samantha tells them, "Good evening." They continue to whisper and titter. Samantha, to her credit, shouts at them to say whatever they're gossiping about "to her face." One of the biddies tells her she's "bad for the building." Another chimes in, "There's always men in the hall!" As if Samantha takes guys on one at a time and makes anyone wait! Yet another cauliflowerhead, the armed robbery victim, blames Samantha because she "can't close [her] left eye!" The elevator arrives and Samantha books out of there.

Then Samantha's on the phone, explaining to Carrie that her neighbors "practically chased [her] with torches, like [she] was Fuckenstein," which is a pretty funny line. Carrie tells Samantha to relax; she can't get evicted for having sex. Samantha thinks "the dried-up old farts" are jealous of her sexual activities. Samantha tells Carrie that she's thinking about moving. Carrie reminds her that she has "a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper East Side." Samantha says that she requires some "life control," not rent control. Then Carrie makes the phone call all about her by bragging about having another date with CIM to go to a blues club. Samantha freaks when she finds out they're still not having sex, and implies that Carrie's the one who'll be singing the blues. Carrie assures Samantha that she'll boink CIM "eventually," and she's seen his penis -- it's not abnormally curved, as the gals had wondered in the diner scene earlier. Because we all really needed yet another unpleasant Chris in the Morning mental image planted in our minds. Not.

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Sex and the City

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