Sex and the City
Are We Sluts?

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Owen: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Are We Sluts?

Cut to Charlotte's bed. She's having sex with her fiancé candidate again. He suddenly becomes uncomfortable during their lovemaking. Charlotte assures him that she's "close" to coming. Then she realizes what's holding him back, and tells him to "go ahead." He orgasms and blurts out, "You fucking bitch! You fucking whore!...Oh god! What's wrong with me?" He rolls away from Charlotte. Carrie voice-overs that he stopped seeing Charlotte and started seeing a therapist.

Meanwhile, over at Nancy and Elliott's...er, Steve and Miranda's, he's taking off his pants to get into bed with her. Carrie voice-overs that his test came back negative. Steve bitches that the swab-in-his-penis experience has made him swear off cleaning his ears. Miranda takes all the blame for being "a big, dirty, diseased whore." She tells him about the list she had to make of all her past sex partners; it "wasn't short." Steve asks for the number. Miranda hems and haws, and finally admits that the number is "about forty-two." Steve says that number isn't "so bad." Miranda asks for his number. Steve hesitates, then practically brags about his number being higher than sixty. Miranda's surprised. Steve beams and replies, "Hey, I'm a bartender and I'm cute." Carrie saves me the trouble of pointing out the "men can't be sluts" double standard by noting it in her voice-over as Miranda and Steve start to neck.

Cut to CIM and Carrie walking down her hallway, dressed like extras from the set of The Doors. CIM's sporting his usual balding shag-cut hair and a suede jean jacket and leather choker, while Carrie's wearing a transparent blouse and tan bell-bottoms and that FUGLY pimp-wear duster with the multi-hued panels that we all made fun of last episode. Hey Carrie, Joseph called -- he's starring in a Broadway revival, and needs his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat back. ["Wait, back it up: John Corbett -- a man -- is wearing a choker? What is he, Dawson?" -- Wing Chun] Long story short: CIM and Carrie decide that "blues" night is, appropriately enough for us viewers, the night they will Do It. They enter her apartment and walk over to the bed as Carrie voice-overs, "For the first time in a long time, I was nervous. [Chris in the Morning] and I were going to sleep together, and it was going to mean something." Yeah, it means that owen worries about CIM's weight crushing Sarah Jessica Parker's emaciated frame into paste by falling on top of her on the bed like that.

The next morning, Carrie and CIM cuddle in bed. John Corbett's body is only covered in a sheet from the waist down, and SJP rests her hand on his protruding potbelly. The HELL? Would it have killed JC to do some sit-ups before joining the cast of this show? If one of the actresses showed up on the set with a gut like that, there'd be close-ups and framing shots and Slimfast lunches and ab classes until that problem was cleared up, don't you think? Talk about your double standards. Carrie voice-overs her belief that a new relationship wipes out one's previous sexual history and provides a "clean slate."

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Sex and the City

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