Softly, Carrie tells her pals she misses CIM. Miranda wonders, totally on-target, whether Carrie missed him before she saw his svelte new self. She didn’t, but we’re supposed to love her, so -- “I’ve missed him for months,” Carrie argues, ostensibly referring to the months she was doing some heated off-camera pining. Miranda suggests email as a safe approach, in case CIM doesn’t want her back; Carrie says she’s an old-fashioned girl who prefers the hang-up approach. “Oh come on, honey, you’ve gotta get online, if only for the porn,” Samantha coos. “Yeah, stop sending me that,” whines Charlotte. Carrie refuses to “get e-mail” just to write to CIM. Miranda points out that she can shop online, too. “No, that’s my cardio,” Carrie says. Hee. Except not, because she’s way too toned for that and we all know it. And I know I echo everyone in the forums when I say -- whaaaaaa? We’re supposed to think Carrie doesn’t go online? She has a laptop, she writes a column yet she never goes into an office, and we’re supposed to believe she doesn’t use email? No. Maybe we’re supposed to find it endearing that she’s a technological neophyte, but I find it as contrived as Samantha’s lesbianism, the Cruise/Kidman marriage, and Colleen Haskell’s “acting” combined.
Samantha brings attention back to her by deciding Carrie needs to show up at CIM’s furniture store wearing “these,” and she whips out flesh-colored suction cups. “Ew!” Charlotte squeals. “Fake nipples!” They were sent to Samantha as a promotional item, and Carrie makes a stupid joke about whether nipples are getting a bad rep these days. “Nipples are huge right now,” Samantha intones dramatically. “Open any magazine. It’s not that cold. Those girls are either tweaking, or they’re wearing these.” And either way, they look smutty, but hey -- Samantha oozes smut, so go for it, girl. The quad wants to try out the nips, but Carrie points out that Samantha can’t, because “Samantha already leads with her breasts. Not a very good experiment.” Charlotte giggles that Miranda should do it, and they gather around to cover her while she licks and sticks. Charlotte says it’s obscene, then demands that Miranda walk the room with her mega-nips. “We have secretly replaced Miranda’s normal nipples with rubber ones,” Carrie whispers conspiratorially. “Let’s see what happens.” Turning around, high beams shining, Miranda struts toward the bar and immediately gets scanned by a dude in a blazer. She mouths incredulously, “They work!” and Samantha pouts, “I want my nipples back.”
Hey! Does anyone remember when Samantha was a lesbian? Granted, it was a long time ago, way back in the olden days, like, a whole episode ago, so I’m sure it’s normal that no one would mention it, or tease her about her failed experiment, or that she would even be caught in sexual limbo. I suppose, at the very least, we’ve been spared some Anne Heche jokes, but still.