At Miranda’s place, sports gear is scattered all over the floor. Carrie narrates that the morning runs led to coffee, which led to sex. He’s behind her and they’re kneeling on the bed; he lowers her onto her stomach and kisses down her back, pulling off the spandex shorts. He moves back up…and stops at her ass. Her face registers shock, then alarm, then confusion. Cynthia Nixon does a good job of not making her expression look too cartoonish.
Carrie hounds Miranda about their double-non-date, and Miranda says she’s actively ignoring the idea. “You’re my airbag in case there’s an impact, and Steve’s going to be Aidan’s airbag,” Carrie explains, delighted with herself. Miranda frets that Steve will get the wrong idea, which he shouldn’t, since he had a new girlfriend last week -- not that the writers care about such trifles as continuity. Miranda doesn’t register the fact that she’s been reduced to “bag” status. Instead, she reveals that Marathon Man is her nail-a-thon man. Everyone grins. “It was good, except…he licked my butt,” Miranda blurts. And as she talks about getting her salad tossed, Miranda munches on a tossed salad. This has changed vegetables for me forever. Samantha asks if it was the cheeks, or… “It was more localized than that,” Miranda confesses. Carrie gasps jokingly, “Are we talking tookus-lingus?” Whatever. Call it a rim job and be done with it. The cutesy shit is getting old.
“Are we doing this now?” Miranda frets. Charlotte says Trey likes to do it, which floors the other three. “What? We’re married!” she says. And that gets a whopping puh-leeze from me -- she was grossed out by fake nipples, and she’d never seen her own vagina, and they wrote an entire show about her reluctance to take off her towel in a public sauna. So naturally, yeah, she’s fine with getting her ass licked. Right-o. Samantha’s attitude is, “If the guy’s willing, why say no?” Why say yes? Are there nerve-endings there I don’t know about? Samantha muses that something’s afoot with men and the buttocks. “It’s true, the last few guys I’ve been with have been more eager to attend to it, digitally,” Miranda says. I guess I missed that scene with the Open-Door Dumper, and the scene where Duncan Hines called and begged her to strip down and sit on his chocolate-frosted face. “How did they get the impression that ass is on the menu?” Carrie asks, and Miranda guesses that a loudmouth guy found one woman who loved it, and has spread the word like it’s gospel. They’re baffled. Samantha suggests that they not knock it until they try it. “Bingo,” Carrie says. “Was this my last shot? Am I out of the ass loop?” Miranda worries. “I can’t bring myself to ask for it.” Samantha tells her to lean into it -- actions being louder than words, and all. Miranda asks if she should reciprocate, and Samantha immediately says, “No.” Pause. “You wouldn’t?” Charlotte asks, and they all stare at her. Okay, I laughed, but it’s still out of character.