Honeymeh. Mir and Steve are in a tub laden with bubbles. The ersatz whale song CD tootles in the background. There's a bottle of Veuve Cliquot, rose petals on the suds, a roaring fireplace. Um...excuse me? I don't see a polar bear rug, or a heart-shaped tub. What the fuck IS this? Kidding. Steve says that he wants to wash Miranda's hair. He's always wanted to do that. "Y'know, like Out of Africa." There was syphilis in that, too. And roaring lions. That movie was kind of depressing. I mean, would you say to someone, "Let's make French toast, like in Kramer vs. Kramer! Then we can go play in the park!" Or, "Hey, wanna go dancing and drinking and then play on the Brooklyn Bridge, like in Saturday Night Fever? Awesome!" I never forget the depressing parts of movies. It's what makes them real! Anyway, Mir and Steve's bathos turns to pathos as he washes her hair with "heart soap" and it gets in her eye. "Ow. Ow! Heart soap in my eye!" Hee! Classic.
The next morning, Miranda makes a desperate cell phone to Carrie, standing outside in this Elmer Fudd furry hat and a coat over her negligee. It's so campy. I half expect to see Bugs Bunny stroll by dressed as Cary Grant and attempt to seduce her, or Wile E. Coyote and that sheep dog punch out and eat lunch together. Mir says the whole trip is "screaming" that "sex is the only thing on the itinerary." She complains that the night before, she and Steve "held hands for an hour. He was looking into my eyes. I was looking for the remote." Hee! Mir says, "It feels good to be sarcastic. You can't be sarcastic on your honeymoon!" Carrie asks about the "motherhood thing: All it's cracked up to be?" Mir hears a rustle in the bushes and gets ready to go. "I should be able to do this, this should be the most romantic time in my life!" Then a pause. More rustling. Mir's final thought? "Raccoon."