Harry and Charlotte do it. Then Brady pops up in his crib, giggling. Char screams. Oh no! The baby saw them doing it! She calls Mir in a panic. Mir, glumly poking the fire, leaps for her phone. "Spit it out, do I need to come home?" Char hisses that Brady saw them having sex. Mir says Brady "doesn't even know where his nose is," let alone what he was looking at. Harry walks in and says, "I think it may be too late, he just said 'sex is dirty.'" Mir says Char sounds tense, and maybe she should come home. She still has one bar left on her cell phone, and "Nooooo!!" Steve wakes up, hears about Char's momentary panic, and entreats Mir to come back to bed. Mir snaps that she "can't have sex anymore. [She] has a brain." Steve knows this already. She misses ESPN and NPR and Dateline and she is not the honeymoon type! Steve says well, he is, and four days isn't that long to lie around and read books and loll and make love. It's all the time he had off from work. Mir looks sad at this fact, and Carrie VOs that Mir just learned about another "should -- the things you should do for the people you love." She apologizes and says she's an asshole. Steve agrees, then says, "But you're MY asshole." Heh. Ew. "Sweet and gross at the same time." So they make love again, because they're leaving in the morning and "the honeymoon's over." Steve snaps, "Hey! I got a brain, you know!" Really? IN my house, all we can think about is your ass.
Sam waits in the oncologist's office in a smart red suit with a honking jet-black poodle pin (or is it a lion? So hard to tell) on the lapel. She seems to have forgotten her blouse. No need; it'll expedite the breast exam. Sister Julia walks in with a habit on. Sam stares, then whispers, "Pulling out all the stops, eh?" Julia shrugs, "What else could I wear, a big tumor?" Hee. Sam stands up and strides to the manly Receptionist, who's reading the newspaper. She begins her litany of name-dropping ("my friend, who's the features editor at Vanity Fair...") and Receptionist cuts her off at the pass. Until she sees Page Six, with the "Smith Shocker" headline and the big color (!) photo of Sam and Smith looking shocked at the paparazzi. Receptionist is agog. Sam is Smith Jerrod's girlfriend? Could she bring him into the office so Receptionist could meet him? And of COURSE Sam can get in to see the doctor! Sam agrees, as long as Sister Julia can have a consultation too. Both appointments are scheduled. Nun at 7:45, Sam at 8 AM. Sister Julia is overjoyed. "Oh my god!" Sam says no: "Oh my boyfriend!"