Cha cha, spla-shy bus!
Lights up on an office. Carrie nervously sits on a pink curved sofa, smiles tightly, and listens to a book-cover presentation by Lindsay and Courtney (Amy Sedaris and Molly Shannon, don't you know). Courtney says emphatically, "This cover is SO YOU." Lindsay urges Carrie to not "be thrown," since they just Photoshopped her head on someone else's body. Carrie says, "Oh!" Okay, with a bit of hyperbolic fanfare, the two show the maybe-future cover: Carrie, hailing a cab in the nude, with the words "sex and the city" emblazoned over her naughty bits. It looks a little like the Madonna hitchhiking-in-Miami photo in her Sex book, and very DIY. It's even pink and black and white, very punk rock. And of course, wrong, wrong, wrong. It's too downtown, too Avenue A. Carrie takes one look and gasps, "No!" The women are taken aback. Courtney says they want "a strong reaction," and Lindsay says they "don't want people's reactions to be 'no!'" Duh. Lindsay makes a grand pitch about how the cover is supposed to be Carrie "naked except for her ideas." Um, okay. Carrie says that while she goes out quite often, she still manages to get her clothes on before she goes outside. Yeah. And the cover is supposed to be a literal interpretation of how she lives her life. Why isn't there a cover of Carrie's head Photoshopped onto Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver's body, if they wanted to be literal? Courtney says helpfully that "sex seee-ells!" Yeah, we heard that, we know -- we have the freaking t-shirt. But Carrie, the author, isn't down with the cover, so you need to produce another image. One that won't make the author barf. Courtney says she can respect Carrie's feelings, then turns to Lindsay and says, "We're fucked." Oh, calm down. Carrie says affably that she'll look at the image again. Lindsay flashes it and Carrie says, "No no, absolutely not. I'd sooner die." Yeah, see, first instincts rule.
The four women glide up an escalator, shopping for books. Wow, Char is in jeans! Ragged jeans, even! I don't think I've ever seen her so casually dressed. I love to see her so relaxed, with tousled, "biggened" hair instead of her usual Kiehl's-smooth state. And she has on the breast-cancer-charity pink and black sweater by Ralph Lauren! She has really changed. Carrie looks at four book covers that feature the author and calls them "bad, bad, loser, and no." Samantha, carrying a great big cut-out leather bag (Michael Kors? I can't tell), asks what anyone could say about Carrie. "You're fabulous!" Carrie reminds her that "people are mean." Sam says, "People are not that mean." Then she opens the paper and busts on someone inside who looks "like shit" and possibly has a "stylist [who has] gone blind." Carrie says she's "entered panic." Well, you know, if this is your biggest problem, that's good. I guess Carrie's ego is too big to even entertain the idea of, say, an illustration on the cover? Or maybe, like, just words, with a smaller photo of herself, say, inside the book? Just a suggestion. Sam offers her help; how does Carrie want to look? Oh, you know -- "smart, sexy, and properly airbrushed." Sam thinks she can work with that. Carrie says she "can't afford" Sam's PR services. Sam says it'll cost her "two martinis and a lunch." Sweet! Carrie says she'll "talk to her people."
Mir and Char stroll over to the diet book section. Mir is looking for something like "How To Lose That Baby Fat By Sitting On Your Ass." Oh, I love the whole Sitting On Your Ass series -- there's the toning book, the beauty book, and my fave, Manage Your Entire Freelance Career While Sitting On Your Ass. I also like the title If I'm On The Couch, I'm Working. ["I wrote the foreword to that one." -- Sars] Anyway, Charlotte suggests "The Zone" for a diet. Mir looks a little scared and says, "How about no." She is serious about starting on a diet -- right after she finishes her "chocolate nougat pretzel devil thing." Oh, wow. Get me SOME. I could eat those all the livelong day. Char says she's heading off to find Starting Over, Yet Again. Mir offers her a bite of the chocolate nougat pretzel devil thing, and Char shakes her head "no." I hate people with willpower. But then again, it means more for me.