And, to break the tension, up pops the waiter. Are they ready to order? Yes. Carrie orders the goat cheese salad and the tuna, but with no parsley. Can there be no parsley on the plate, even a sprinkling? And could the waiter ask the chef if there's parsley in the marinade, 'cause if there is, she shouldn't have any, cause she's allergic. Berger seethes through all this, and when the waiter's gone he says, "You're not allergic." Carrie says she knows that, but when she says she just doesn't like it, it ends up being on the plate. He's all, you didn't even order stuff that comes with parsley! She's like, "It comes with EVERYTHING!" Char says, you know what? I have to go. And she skips out on what Carrie calls Char's "second bad date of the evening."
During the bad cab ride home from dinner, Berger asks the driver to stop at 73rd and Madison. Carrie asks if the driver can go around, since her place is on 73rd between Madison and Park. Then she says to Berger that she's "in heels." Berger grits his teeth and says he can't believe she "put [him] down in front of [her] friend." Carrie says she didn't put him down. He snaps, now you're gonna tell me what I feel? She's not telling him what he feels. Then she asks, "What's going on with us?" He asks when she stopped being on his side. Ooh, I know the answer to this. It's when she criticized the character he wrote for wearing a scrunchie. That's when it all went wrong. But she asks when he stopped being on her side. It was that same moment, Carrie. That's when he felt unfairly criticized, and turned against you. The cab hits two bumps, and she says that "this isn't working." He agrees, and suggests they "take a break." Whoa! That was fast. And lame -- why not dump her right now and prove yourself to be a cold asshole! She asks how long he's been thinking about this, and then they're at her brownstone. Berger then tells the driver that there will be "two stops," and Carrie's all, what? "You want to take the break starting now?" Yeah. He wants to take a week to "get some distance" and go hide out in his Hamptons house. He'll call her when he gets back. She agrees (what else can she do?), and gets out. As the cab drives out she hollers, "Thanks for dinner!" Oh, Carrie.
Lunch with the girls. Carrie tells Sam she knew she and Berger were in trouble, but she didn't think it was this bad. Char says that "a break isn't so bad," but Carrie says, "It's a hop, skip and a week away from a breakup." Yeah. Char kvetches that if she and Harry had taken a break, maybe she wouldn't be going on blind dates right now. Wow, Carrie's roots are almost two inches. I like a bit of root, but honey? You're worth it. Time to touch up. Though I love that pink satiny top she's got on. Carrie whines some more and recalls the days when "breaks" were good, as in "spring break." Good god, you're so far away from that now. Mir suggests that the next bad break might be "hip break." Hee! Which is why it's good the show is getting the ax. Who wants to see geriatric sex? We can't even see a penis when we're screaming for it to be on TV, dammit. Sam suggests that Carrie "not do that." What? That horrible pained face. So squinchy and pinched and suffer-y. Sam says she thinks the measure of a good relationship is whether you're frowning or smiling. Hey, that's a good litmus! Unfortunately, Sam's smiley or frowny faces are directly linked to what's happening south of her navel, instead of what's beating beneath her breastbone. Love scared the shit out of Sam. But even if you're not a surface skimmer, that happy/sad rule is a good one to follow. Is someone making you miserable? Regularly? Cut it. Life is too short. As Carrie whines and cries and moans about how Berger had to skip out to Long Island to get his head straight, Sam whips out more Absolut Hunk postcards for the girls. But Mir -- sensible, sweet, strong-with-a-mother's-love Miranda who gets all the funny lines -- asks Carrie what she wants. "Remember you? What do you want?" Exactly.