Carrie is now at home and dressed up for the funeral. She sees the keys CIM left and calls him at work and apologizes for the way she acted towards him. CIM tells her that they are going to run into things that are hard, and he just wanted to help her. She thinks that if he helps her and she gets used to him helping her, she won’t know what to do if he's not around one day. He asks her how he would not be around, and she tells him he might be out of town or busy, or their relationship might fall apart. He tells her that then they “would be a couple of sad Macs.” They're pretty sad already. Someone should tattoo “Welcome” on CIM's back.
Meanwhile, in Philadelphia, the girls are at the church waiting to go in, when two bemulleted men in their forties walk past them and size them up. I’ve always thought the men in Philly were classy like that. Samantha turns around and gives them the stink-eye. Samantha, true to tart form, is wearing a tight black dress with the shoulders cut out and a very low neckline. She is standing next to Carrie, and now Carrie’s cleavage is also very noticeable. It looks like their boobs are busting out for fresh air or something. The procession pulls in, and Miranda gets out of a limo and walks over to the girls. Carrie and Charlotte each give her a hug and tell her they are sorry, and Samantha stands back and tells Miranda she looks great. Carrie asks Miranda how she is, and Miranda complains that her family thinks that things are really bad for her because she's single, and her sister wants her to walk with her and her husband like "a third wheel" because they don’t want her to walk alone. Miranda bitches, “Because that would be the real tragedy, right? Ignore the coffin, there’s a single thirty-five-year-old woman walking behind it!” ["Actually, the real tragedy is that the writers of this show don't know that THE EXPRESSION IS 'FIFTH WHEEL'! FIFTH! Not 'third'! A third wheel? Sometimes useful! A fifth wheel? NEVER useful! That's the POINT! Of the EXPRESSION! Gah! Okay, sorry. That's my foremost usage peeve. On with the recap." -- Sars] Miranda’s sister calls for her, and Miranda leaves the girls. Okay, is there a reason why Miranda has worry about being single at her own mother’s freaking funeral? We get it! She has trouble dealing with being single at her age! We’ve heard her complaining about it for weeks! Let her have some other problems to deal with for at least one episode, especially when it's such a dramatic topic. Carrie obsessed enough about relationships this episode for everyone -- give it a rest! After Miranda leaves, Charlotte yells at Samantha for not saying the right thing to Miranda. Charlotte goes over to Betsy, Miranda’s sister, to express her condolences and make sure everything worked out with the flowers. Betsy sarcastically thanks her and shows her the flowers, as two men walk by with a five-foot wall of various white flowers with glitter thrown on them. Charlotte looks aghast and yells out, “I said tasteful!” and Carrie says, “I think now we know what $500 worth of glitter looks like.” Well, no wonder the thing was such a behemoth -- five hundred dollars buys a lot of lilies.
In the church, a priest is speaking, and the girls look sad. I think Charlotte is more upset about the ugly flowers than about Miranda or her mother. The priest says that “there are no magic words to soothe us” during this time, and Carrie, hiding her boobs behind a shawl, thinks that as a spiritual leader, he could make something up. Charlotte still can’t believe the flowers and says that they should have said “'we’re so sorry, we love you,' not 'you’re dead. Let’s disco.’” Maybe that’s what they do in Philadelphia? The priest then mentions the mother’s daughter Betsy and her husband, her son John, and his wife, Miranda. Miranda lifts her hand up from her lap like, “And now the priest can’t accept that I’m not married too?” Carrie thinks the priest is a hack, especially after he mentions that food will be served at John and Miranda’s house after the service. Miranda turns around to look at the girls, and Samantha mouths, “I’m sorry” and Miranda mouths back, “Thank you,” which is very moving, and Samantha starts crying. Carrie tells us that Samantha “found a release she really needed. She cried for everything she couldn’t say, and for things she didn’t even know she felt.” As the pallbearers are walking the casket down the aisle, Miranda walks behind Betsy and her husband and starts crying. When she gets to where the girls are sitting, Carrie rushes out and walks with Miranda and puts her arm around her. Carrie tells us, “There’s the kind of support you ask for, and the kind of support you don’t ask for. And then there’s the kind that just shows up.” CIM and Steve are standing in a back pew as they walk by, and Carrie and Miranda acknowledge them. That was really cool of them to do.